tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-252183712024-03-12T20:31:41.447-07:00Amazing Childhoodonce upon a time 2 parents had 2 sets of 2 little boys2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-57057722836319698902010-10-26T21:25:00.001-07:002010-10-26T21:26:31.260-07:00New BlogI decided to make this project official and moved over to <a href="http://www.givingkidsourbest.com/">www.givingkidsourbest.com</a>/<br />
Hope to see you there!2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-62444865274095415182010-10-24T13:50:00.000-07:002010-10-24T13:57:16.991-07:00My 10 Goals for a Happy Family and my New Blog"Managing a home and family is no less demanding or time consuming than running a large corporation... the development of lovely, joyful, responsible children doesn't just happen accidentally, any more than a successful corporation just happens. A unified, organized, progressing family requires a unified, organized, progressive plan! Setting goals and producing a plan are just as essential to a mother and father as to a good company." Linda Eyre <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/joyful-mother-children-despite-hassles/dp/0884944824?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">A Joyful Mother of Children</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0884944824" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Since the summer I've read (or skimmed ;)) 30+ amazing parenting books and counting. The overlap in the experts' ideas has lead me to 10 areas of awareness or goals I've started working on to strengthen my family and home:<br />
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<b>Build Routines</b>- Routines don't just happen (at least in my family) but are an amazingly powerful tool to help everyone's day go smoothly, eliminate contention, meet everyone's needs, create a feeling of order and calm and... keep cavities at bay. Also a tool to teach kids the power of work. <br />
<b>Practice Calm and Connected Discipline</b>- A number of my readings prove the most long-term effective way to teach kids is by remaining calm and focused with prepared tools on hand when disciplining instead of giving in to yelling, anger, frustration, and "losing it".<br />
<b>Support Good Choices</b>- Often the parenting paradigm is backwards- kids get more payoff and attention from parents when they make choices that have a negative impact than when they are making good choices. By noticing, verbalizing, rewarding, and stickerizing good choices I hope to help build and reinforce them.<br />
<b>Enjoy One Another</b> Consistently having fun as a family through building family traditions, strengthening relationships and skills, laughing together, connecting and building memories. <br />
<i>Speak Love</i> I speak love to my children as I pay the price to really know them individually- spending one on one time together, making eye contact, giving gifts, giving affection, noticing things that make them unique and <i>listening</i> to them. Also may prevent a host of discipline and esteem problems.<br />
<b>Record and Remember</b>- Capturing happy moments in photos, journals and videos, organizing and taking time to remember them builds family joy in the present and motivates us all in many different ways to be better for each other.<br />
<b>Explore-Discover-Learn</b>- Kids are wired for creative exploration, discovery and play and are happiest when they do this. Providing time, opportunities and tools to keep this enthusiasm alive strengthens my connection to my kids when we do it together and leads to the development of talents and a love of learning that may build a foundation for a productive and happy career.<br />
<b>Strengthen our Community and Build Friendships</b>- Getting to know our neighbors, building our schools and community, connecting with families who have kids my kids' age and providing my kids the time and availability to build and prioritize friendships teaches them to be a good friend and build good friendships. It gives us opportunities to lend a hand and find a hand when needed. <br />
<b>Give and Be Thankful</b>- The development of gratitude and awareness of blessings ever-present in our lives came up in almost every book I read as a tool for strengthening family connections and increased well-being. Part of that awareness for thanks is giving back and finding opportunities to serve our community, country and world.<br />
<b>Nurture Faith and Spirituality</b>- A relationship with God helps bring out my best and builds joy and happiness in my life. Many experts recognize it as an important foundation for wholistic childhood development. <br />
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These goals are all great and many connect with each other but they're also intimidating and overwhelming, so the glue that actually makes them happen is <b>Plan and Be Prepared</b>. For the past month, each Sunday I go through them in my binder, break them into little action items, and plug them into my monthly calendar and daily schedule. By consistently doing a little bit I'm amazed at how much I'm able to accomplish. <br />
Which brings me to my little announcement- with the help of my amazing friend and PR talent <a href="http://elldub.blogspot.com/">Lyndsey</a> I've decided to move my parenting project to a new blog <a href="www.givingkidsourbest.com">www.givingkidsourbest.com</a> Each week I'll post a few times about one of these 10 areas and try to get your feedback and advice. You've already all helped me so much as I struggle to reach my goal of making my 2x2 home a peaceful and happy place that nurtures and grows my kids into their best, so I hope you'll keep sharing your insights. Churchill said "We shape our homes and then our homes shape us" - hopefully this will lead my 2x2 situation to a good place ;)2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-12096676822315363002010-10-20T21:54:00.000-07:002010-10-20T21:54:41.536-07:00Charla's Poster Idea"Once you have a solid plan-a list of what needs to be done-you must work that plan. In other words, just do it-and don't second guess yourself... If I stick to the plan I usually accomplish my goal" Debbie Lillard <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Absolutely-Organized-No-Stress-Schedule-Clutter-Free/dp/1581809557?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Absolutely Organized: A Mom's Guide to a No-Stress Schedule and Clutter-free Home </a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1581809557" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Over the past couple weeks in response to a <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/ideas-for-planning-day-with-young.html">binder-post</a> comment I've been creating a poster to match my <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOWQyYjY4YjktMWY2Mi00MjQ1LTk4OTYtYTdhZDUxYjYwN2Zj&hl=en">daily schedule page</a> so my kids could visually see what was planned for our day. I plan these pages around my 10 goals based on all my research, which I'll get to next time. Charla actually once told me that she taught two kindergarten classes- one had a schedule and routines and the other didn't. She thought the kids would love the freedom of the unscheduled class, but she was surprised to see that everyone was happier in the scheduled class. The kids liked knowing what was coming up next. Even when kids direct their playtime, I'm realizing that in today's world playtime often needs a dedicated time-slot so they can get into it, and kids sometimes need a variety of places/items to start their play.<br />
So I made this poster. Actually the kids painted it and I very unprofessionally drew the time-circles based off my <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpMDJlMjc3ZmEtNTk5MS00NTI5LWI2NTMtZWQ4ZjI2MzM1OTk5&hl=en">ideas page</a> headers, then got them laminated and stuck on with velcro dots. The morning routine is a bit itemized (there's a separate sticker for bed-making, teeth-brushing, prayer-saying, dressed-getting etc.) but more on that later.<br />
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Honestly, I feel kinda dorky that I made this, it seems like I'm really trying over-extraordinarily hard here, but I thought it was a good idea and wanted to see what it would do. My kids actually really love it, and it's fun to let them pick circles (musictime or arttime after breakfast?) Mostly thought I've really noticed our days go more smoothly when we take a minute with it right after breakfast because they know what's coming up next and we can talk about it.<br />
Does anyone have things they do with their kids to tell them about plans?2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-54439777920168273722010-10-18T13:22:00.000-07:002010-10-18T15:07:38.599-07:00Plan and Prepare: Can it Be Really, Truly Be Done? Where do you find Mom-Motivation?"He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidence, chaos will soon reign." Victor Hugo (I wish it were easier)<br />
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At any given moment I've got about 100+ things I could be doing that are all good: cleaning my oven/sink/tub/dining room chairs/piano, returning phone calls and emails, making dentist visits, preparing meals, headstarting on Christmas shopping, playing/teaching/reading/singing with my kids, serving in my community, drawing with my kids, organizing photos...<br />
How do I choose the best one?<br />
The best way I've found is to plan. When my vision extends to a global perspective I make the best plans; I can plan my goals into practice, I can plan my errands with efficiency, I can meet my kids needs, I can prioritize and balance. In contrast, when I decide in the now I can't see too far because the moment waves at me with its demands- fix me! clean me! create me! watch me! I see the plants I haven't watered yet, that shelf that needs organizing, that scrapbook page I want to finish and the children I need to bathe so I attend to what's in front of me, rarely getting beyond my line of sight. So the good gets done, the better not so much.<br />
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Of course with chaotic, unpredictable, multiple-variables kid-life no plan at this stage will ever <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/oxymoron-of-scheduling-time-with-young.html">get followed exactly</a>. Some people think that unpredictability is solid grounds to not bother with planning right now, others feel like it's too depressing to see everything you didn't get done. But the more I plan, the more I realize how desperately this time of my life really does need it, probably more so than any other, because there's so much more at stake.<br />
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So I make to-do lists when something pops in my head or when I review my goals and look at my continuously-updated <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpMDJlMjc3ZmEtNTk5MS00NTI5LWI2NTMtZWQ4ZjI2MzM1OTk5&hl=en">ideas page</a>, then I transfer those to-do list items onto the time map of <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOWQyYjY4YjktMWY2Mi00MjQ1LTk4OTYtYTdhZDUxYjYwN2Zj&hl=en">daily schedule pages</a>, all of which I keep in my handy <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/place-for-everything-binder-that-rocks.html">binder</a> which saves my life every day. I have a big meeting with Ian once a week where we go over our calendar and objectives. Each night I create the plan for the next day.<br />
These <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOWQyYjY4YjktMWY2Mi00MjQ1LTk4OTYtYTdhZDUxYjYwN2Zj&hl=en">daily-page tools</a> inspired from <a href="http://www.steadymom.com/">Steady Days</a> are fantastic, but Ian and I have only had two meetings, so I can't <i>really</i> say we're doing this. Even as I see how much smoother my days are going when I plan them with purpose, how satisfied I am that we made it to the park again and I found a spot in my schedule to pick up the <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/10/explore-discover-learn-with-my-kids.html">Caleb Box</a>, and take Halloween costume photos and write sympathy cards and pick up thank you gifts and do so many little wonderful things on my list, I also know <b>it's going to be hard to keep this up</b>. I've talked about this before, but there are a <i>billion</i> legitimate excuses to just slack off, to let go of Hugo's thread and surrender to the chaos of the day. Plus, nobody is watching me, nobody is giving performance reviews or salary increases, NOBODY REALLY CARES! Where do I find that strength to continue day after day to plan to give my best to my kids and my family, the most important job I'll ever have, when it's really easy to skip it?<br />
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Does anybody have any ideas for what keeps you motivated? Seriously, how do moms and anybody stay motivated? How do you get through the pulls and tugs and dead ends and frustrations and chaos to give that little bit of extra effort to make plans and goals and follow them when tons of things are working against you? Is this something that can really be done?<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=10-3-0866.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/10-3-0866.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-69598619979986815802010-10-15T15:07:00.000-07:002010-10-15T15:11:44.520-07:00Explore, Discover, Learn: A Place for every Mess and Every Mess in its Place"The more you get messy and go through the routine of cleaning up together, the easier the process will be," Ginger Carlson <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Child-Wonder-Nurturing-Naturally-Collection/dp/0979702704?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Child of Wonder: Nurturing Creativity and Naturally Curious Children</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0979702704" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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We made another mess yesterday- a haunted gingerbread house from a kit we get each year from dear Grandma Louise. I love to let my kids really do it instead of me doing it. This, of course, meant that it's not <i>quite</i> like the picture on the box, which makes the Martha Stewart craft lover in me shudder, but it does mean they really participate and use those fine motor skills instead of hanging back, following my instructions the whole time, or watching me do it.<br />
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I decided to follow Melanie's idea and throw down a sheet before we got started. I've heard of this idea before, but I've never given it a try. It just seems easier to start instead of hunting around for a sheet. Now, I don't want to overstate, but at least for this project, the sheet investment made cleanup seriously take about 10 seconds. Loved it! Why don't I get my lazy butt up and take mess-prep more seriously? <br />
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Other ideas are doing it outside, scheduling mess-time around baths and making a kid "handwash basin" for outside and inside and investing in a dustbuster. As I'm taking Katie's suggestion about resigning myself to messes I'm looking at ways to prepare accordingly for pre and post cleanup instead of being freaked out by it. As I let go of my anxiety, the door is opening to lots of projects I know my kids will love but I've avoided because of the mess factor- nut doughs, mudpies, papier mache, soap doughs, cloth sculptures, collages, and more! Of course, I'm going to have to put a limit, like Kristin suggests, to just once or twice a week, but I don't want to say never anymore. If anyone else has any mess strategy ideas, please (please. seriously.) share...<br />
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I've been doing <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/our-brush-with-death.html">a lot of research</a> over the past couple months about ways to bring out the best in my kids and me and from the many books I've read so far I've come up with 10 "areas" or goals/objectives if you will. One of these is the <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/10/explore-discover-learn-with-my-kids.html">Explore, Discover, Learn</a> area. My kids (all kids) are wired for this, and it supports their development and overall happy-level when I find ways to fan that enthusiasm while keeping <i>my</i> sanity. For better or worse, messes are usually part of Explore, Discover, Learn so I better <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/10/explore-discover-learn-messing.html">learn</a> to work with them.<br />
Next week I'm going to hit another area. I'm having a hard time choosing which one because they're all so good and all connect to each other, but I'll tackle this one next: Plan and Prepare2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-37501597267107938502010-10-13T21:44:00.000-07:002010-10-13T21:47:29.167-07:00Explore, Discover, Learn: messing up everything"Children need messes. Not just when they are babies and toddlers trying to make sense of their world, but well into their childhood... If a child doesn't learn to make a mess, he may not learn to use his mind in an open-ended way" Ginger Carlson <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Child-Wonder-Nurturing-Naturally-Collection/dp/0979702704?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Child of Wonder: Nurturing Creativity and Naturally Curious Children</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0979702704" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Thank you so much to everyone who shared their strategies for dealing with messes. They were all so good! I think the common theme was to kind of pre-pare for the chaos, Either resign to the mess (decide beforehand I'm OK with it), or make preparations to minimize (I'm trying this sheet idea out tomorrow), or say no, this isn't something I can deal with right now, we'll plan for it another time (this is guilt-free-necessary at times).<br />
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But what about ambush- messes? Yesterday we made <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2007/10/hoot-owl-cookies.html">owl cookies</a>, a yearly tradition that's fun because even little boys can really participate in squishing the eyes together and placing in the m&ms and cashews. And it's pretty simple, not too messy, or so I thought. Nope. Afterwards nuts were scattered ALL over the floor, m&ms were EVERYWHERE, some of the cookie dough fell on the ground and got smashed into the carpet... and since it was nearing the 5pm hour my kids were going haywire. I constantly had to stop and start as I cleaned to break up fights, working hard to stay patient. I was prepared to resign myself to the mess, I just had no idea it would be this bad! <br />
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The funny thing is that after dinner as the whole family polished off the cookies, we wound up having a really good time together. We acted silly and eventually pulled out Lobel's <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Owl-Home-Can-Read-Book/dp/0064440346?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Owl at Home</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0064440346" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> to read around the table. I completely and utterly forgot about the nuisancey mess. That mess was a price to pay for a magical moment, in this case being surrounded by smiling, laughing kid faces, hearing Jack say "ow-ah coo-kees" and just having a really great time together.<br />
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Ginger Carlson has a whole chapter dedicated to the importance of encouraging kids to get messy, even going so far as to mention sensory delays for kids that are "too clean." "Although it may be difficult at times to accept the messes our children (need to make), know that you can. But don't just accept the mess, rejoice in it, knowing that you are supporting your child's creative growth even further." I don't know if I can go that far, but I can probably appreciate it a little more.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=10-3-0403.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/10-3-0403.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-48516127902790502692010-10-11T21:45:00.000-07:002010-10-11T21:55:10.279-07:00Explore, Discover, Learn: Encouraging Passionate Creativity or Monstrous Messes?"Children love to be busy, and useful. They delight in seeing that there is a place for them in the hum of doing, making, and fixing that surrounds them... honor your child's efforts with real tools for their work." Kim John Payne, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Simplicity Parenting</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0345507983" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Please. Does anyone have any ideas about how to encourage passionate discovery without going insane?<br />
For well over a year my little son has been <i>torturing</i> me with his culinary experiments. He loves to mix things, and while I want to encourage his curiosity and creativity, it's just plain hard when he dumps an entire gallon of extra-virgin olive oil on the counter (there goes $20), or blankets our dinner with powdered sugar (what do we eat now?), sprays the kitchen floor with PAM (so his brother slips so hard he almost cracks his head) and other patience-testing, madness inducing activities. Despite my best efforts I get snappy, which is slowly dampening his enthusiastic little flame.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Bakerman-0367.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Bakerman-0367.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
So this week after fighting back a huge lash-out when Caleb wound up using all our eggs in one of his concoctions-which I didn't realize until I was in the middle of making dinner and my recipe CALLED for eggs- I pulled out my <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/place-for-everything-binder-that-rocks.html">binder</a> and approached the problem with purpose. I decided I could help him pursue his passion and "honor (his) efforts" while preserving my sanity if I got him his own ingredients. I went to the dollar store the very next day when my nanny was home and spent $10 stocking up on spices, a couple baking mix boxes, oil, his own jars of flour and sugar, etc.<br />
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I put them in a box which we called 'the Caleb Box,' and told him he could use these and only these ingredients in his baking. He totally LOVES it, and for the past week has pulled it out every single day. I can hear him humming as he mixes and stirs. He seems happier, content and focused. Some of his experiments are even quite tasty, at least his brothers like them.<br />
But my problems aren't solved. This advice is easier said then done because now he's cooking <i>more</i> not <i>less</i> and it's like I'm inviting him to frustrate me. I feel sheepish that I still get frustrated because he pitches in when I ask him to help me clean up, he takes good care of his box, he's allowed one egg a day and he sticks to that which is very good. But. HE STILL MAKES MESSES! I still have to clean up after him because he can't do it all himself. Wiping counters, scrubbing baking dishes and bowls, vacuuming crumbs. I still feel frustrated even as I recognize this is so great for him, even as I'm happy he's happy. Is there something that I can do differently? Does anyone else struggle with this? I know the accessibility to creativity is very good (countless experts tell me this), I know my kids are happy when they do it (look at these photos for heaven's sake- he loves it!) but how do I keep a smile on <i>my</i> face when I'm slipping on the egg shells day after day after day after day....<br />
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<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Bakerman-0380.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Bakerman-0380.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Bakerman-0340.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Bakerman-0340.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-241445541493871032010-10-09T21:40:00.000-07:002010-10-09T21:44:08.059-07:00Home for Halloween"A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body" Benjamin Franklin <br />
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I love getting in the holiday spirit and firing up my boys' imaginations by borrowing a bunch of festive books from the library. Some of our favs for Halloween are <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Fright-Night-Flight-Krauss-Melmed/dp/B000IOEYAA?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Fright Night Flight</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B000IOEYAA" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Scary-Halloween-Eve-Bunting/dp/089919799X?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Scary, Scary Halloween</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=089919799X" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> (illustrations by Jan Brett), <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-House-Kazuno-Kohara/dp/0312608861?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Ghosts in the House <a href="http://reddmummy.blogspot.com/2010/09/haunted-house.html">(please try to check out this one</a>, my kids LOVE it)</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0312608861" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Plumply-Dumply-Pumpkin-Mary-Serfozo/dp/068987135X?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Plumply Dumply Pumpkin</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=068987135X" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Georgies-Halloween-Robert-Bright/dp/B002AQV20O?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Georgie's Halloween</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B002AQV20O" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/House-That-Drac-Built/dp/0152018794?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">the House that Drac Built</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0152018794" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> and <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Light-Halloween-Moon-Caroline-Stutson/dp/0761455531?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">By the Light of the Halloween Moon</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0761455531" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />. My kids love gathering for Storytime and popping questions like 'what's a manticore' and 'where do werewolves come from?'. Somehow the answers don't seem to scare them that much, probably because these books usually end with kids putting the ghosts and ghouls in their place.<br />
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Last week after reading <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Plumply-Dumply-Pumpkin-Mary-Serfozo/dp/068987135X?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Plumply Dumply Pumpkin</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=068987135X" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> they asked if we could carve the pumpkin I picked up the night before into a jack'o lantern like the one in the illustration. We had a lot of fun working on it together- they scooped out the goop and drew the face, then we put a candle inside and read more stories under a blanket fort.<br />
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I'm really grateful that I'm devoting a couple hours each week just on connecting my kids without going anywhere or trying to get anything else done. Things aren't perfect, but when I look back to the way they were before I was making an effort to connect with them, it's been a big change.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=pumpkin-0222.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/pumpkin-0222.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-73648486711920690312010-10-05T19:49:00.000-07:002010-10-06T11:17:34.016-07:00Wonder Wands"Children... bring a passion to life at which many adults marvel. If given freedom, they play, experiment, question, make enormous messes, take risks, explore freely, and then apply what they have learned to the world by...creating anew." Ginger Carlson <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Child-Wonder-Nurturing-Naturally-Collection/dp/0979702704?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Child of Wonder: Nurturing Creative and Naturally Curious Children</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0979702704" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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I am amazed by all the things my kids enjoy doing; the more we do, the more we seem to be discovering how much there is to do. Most of these activities center around creating things, which has been undoubtedly influenced by two books whose ideas I've been experimenting with lately- <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Family-Encourage-Imagination-Connections/dp/1590304713?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">the Creative Family</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1590304713" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> and <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Child-Wonder-Nurturing-Naturally-Collection/dp/0979702704?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Child of Wonder</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0979702704" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />. It might also be because my children, maybe all children, come wired to be creative and they feel happy when they get to do that. Dieter F. Uchtdorf said "the desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul." <br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Wand-0266.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Wand-0266.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
I am also amazed at how exhausting it all can be. When I get in the zone it's pretty fun, but afterwards these messes can really get under my skin. Sometimes I feel like we spend almost as long cleaning up afterwards, and I have to work hard not to get grouchy. I try to stay motivated by remembering how much my kids enjoy their projects, and how it seems to lift their overall moods throughout the day. Once the cleanup is over it doesn't seem too horrible and I just remember the good stuff.<br />
I love that my kids are starting to get invested in the projects, that they think them up and choose the items to work with. Last week Caleb asked if we could make a wand during our "Creative Play." We talked about what it might look like, and wound up cutting out a cardboard star, wrapping it in tinfoil, bending a coathanger into a stick, wrapping that with an old dress I had marked to give to the thrift store (Caleb liked the colour), before Caleb wanted to paint it (whew! just so you know, we did all that over 2 hours). Julian turned his star into a necklace which he beaded with beads I recently got from IKEA on pipe cleaners. Jack and Christian wound up painting some old jeans I have. None of it was planned, it just was all done with materials we had within arm's reach. I love Amanda Blake Soule's idea of <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/resourcefulness-and-endless-supply-of.html">repurposing items</a> to use for craft projects. It works every time!<br />
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According to Carlson, it's not the end product that matters (which is funny- Caleb didn't wind up playing with that wand much) it's the process of creating that helps kids develop problem solving skills and the ingenuity they need to weather the transitions they will experience throughout life. How many times have I tried to make something with my kids but just wind up doing most of it, as my kids contribute little. In the end it looks pretty, but what's the point if I did it all?<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Wand-0276.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Wand-0276.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-14374626477310274872010-09-30T21:47:00.000-07:002010-10-01T13:47:41.210-07:001-2-3 Magic: I Hate to be Pushy, but Read This Book"We know you love your kids, but for many reasons it is critically important that you also like and enjoy your kids-every day" <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1889140430" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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I don't want to give plugs for any books, but this one has sold 1.25 million copies, been translated into 20 languages over the last several years has been the #1 child discipline book on amazon. I wish I had read it a year or two ago, it's got all the best points of so many books I've read put succinctly. Dr. Phelan gives advice on what he believes are the 3 jobs of any parent 1.<b>Control obnoxious behavior</b>, 2. <b>Encourage good behavior</b> and 3.<b>Strengthen the Relationship with your Kids</b>.<br />
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One of the things that I've been wondering about, and really the question that <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/our-brush-with-death.html">started</a> my parenting "question-journey" is <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/dealing-with-mom-anger-by-pulling-out_04.html">how do I control my frustration</a>? Should I be trying to parent without ever yelling? Is it possible? Can I be effective? Dr. Phelan's answer is an emphatic, no-holds-barred yes. In fact, he says the two biggest parenting mistakes are too much talk and too much emotion (like the <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/dealing-with-mom-anger-by-pulling-out_04.html">Neutral Face</a> advice, but simpler). His technique of counting slowly to 3 and then sending kids to timeout if they don't stop the obnoxious behavior is genius. If done right, it can't not work. I've put it at the top of my tool belt. So has Ian.<br />
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I love that he covers a whole bunch of scenarios- what if your kid pees on the floor in timeout or trashes the room? What if you're in the car or at a restaurant? What if a crowd's watching? What if your kid mocks as you count? He's got a solution for everything. It's great.<br />
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Another thing that I really appreciated was that this book isn't wordy, preachy, meandery, redundant and anecdotal like almost every other parenting book on the market. It's clear, simple and impactful (more <a href="http://www.cyberparent.com/spoiled/123magic.htm">here</a>). I actually speed read it during naptime and started applying it that night. I have never intentionally recommended a book before, but I have to break my rule on this one: <i>Every parent needs to read this.</i> (I do have to say the age range of 2-12 is a bit dicey. It only half-works on my little guys. I'm sure in a few more months we'll be good.)<br />
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I believe the most important job, the one that makes the others much easier is the third one- strengthening relationships with my kids. With our preschool days open for me to shape, what's the best way to choose how to spend our time that keeps them happy, me sane, my kids learning and growing, and all of us connected?2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-57999751006618536792010-09-28T15:01:00.000-07:002010-09-29T13:15:51.127-07:00The Oxymoron of Scheduling Time with Young Children and 10 Reasons to Still Use a Schedule"Babies (and children) are always more trouble than you thought, and more wonderful" Charles Osgood<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Helmets-0118.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Helmets-0118.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
Can I be honest about something? It sometimes feels like <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/ideas-for-planning-day-with-young.html">scheduling with kids</a> is a bit of an oxymoron, because kids aren't mini-adults, they're kids. And sometimes they don't feel like arttime, and they are perfectly happy playing together instead of moving onto the next thing, and they nap an extra long/short time and/or need to visit the doctor.<br />
I'm learning that what I'm creating is more of a flexi-plan, complete with alternative ideas and room for interruptions. As crazy as it sounds, just being aware of how we use our time sometimes helps us to find better ways to spend it, and despite the unpredictability I still find the schedule to be valuable because:<br />
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1. I'm more purposeful about the way we use our time, which brings satisfaction, fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment similar to when I was working full-time. I'm aware of what we are doing, instead of what we aren't doing, so I don't feel like we "did nothing" all day.<br />
2. It creates a battery of activities as alternatives for each other to switch and swap as needed. So if bakingtime doesn't work out one day, I find if it was on the list usually a moment will be right for it at some point during the week.<br />
3. It shows me what blocks of time are "free" for play which will be dictated, in part, by how our day is going. The research I'm doing continues to underline how crucial playtime is for my kids, and important it is to protect it.<br />
4. The odd times when practically nothing goes wrong and we can enjoy most of the things on the schedule, I love that we were prepared to take advantage of the fine winds and turn a good day into a great day.<br />
5. On the days when nothing goes right, I know that there are ups and downs and tomorrow will, very likely, be a better day. <br />
6. It makes my day go smoother in general because I know roughly what it's shape will be even if it's impossible to nail down the details. <br />
7. It helps me get out the door and anticipate how best to do my errands by grouping them together.<br />
8. It helps me balance out our activities so we don't do the same thing all the time. I continue to be amazed by how much there is to do at home with kids this age!<br />
9. It helps me make sure we are spending time connecting together and building our relationships because I visually see how much "fun" time we have together.<br />
10. It seems to be helping me kids be more calm because they are understanding that we are grouping our activities into sections. If they ask to do something, I often tell them that we'll finish it after snacktime, quiettime, etc. They don't seem to argue with me much about it.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Helmets-0142.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Helmets-0142.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-2841857856562614162010-09-23T13:35:00.000-07:002010-09-23T13:37:01.749-07:00A Place for Everything- the Binder that Rocks the House"I enjoy an organized lifestyle because it helps me get what I want. Good home management skills provide a cheerful background for living. A well-managed home eliminates much tension and irritability." Denise Schofield <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Organized-Homemaker-Secrets-Uncluttering/dp/0760722293?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Confessions of an Organized Homemaker</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0760722293" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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I first learned about the power of planners from Denise Schofield. She's a big believer in 1. writing down goals (run a marathon, take a cooking class, have more obedient children :)- 2. making a to-do list that includes steps to reaching those goals as well as other things that need doing 3. plugging those to-do items down on a time-map/ schedule.<br />
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Some version of that system is advised by tons of other experts. I love Jamie C. Martin's take on the mom binder in <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, and recently compiled a binder for myself and my <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/ideas-for-planning-day-with-young.html">lovely feedback-ladies</a>. I sewed the covers out of oilcloth- they're not going up for sale on etsy any time soon, but they sure stay clean and I loved the colours.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=BearPillow-0194.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/BearPillow-0194.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
A one stop shop for blank <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOGZmNTRjNTctNzE0NC00MTgwLTg3MWYtMGRlODZkZTE3M2U1&hl=en">day schedules</a>, my <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpM2Y2ZDg1OWEtMDZmYi00MTk5LWJkOGEtMjM1NzI1MjFkNGJl&authkey=CJKYuosC&hl=en">ideas page</a>, a place for goals, my to-do list, a section for each child, my church service: it's changing my life. When I have a minute at the doctor's or before bed, I will write down a quick moment/cute thing that my kids are doing. I love recording those because I know I'll forget them; I never had a place before now. I put recipes and other odds and ends that looking interesting in plastic sleeves. Each night when I do our schedule for the next day, including a grocery list if I'm going shopping, I check for ideas.<br />
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Also, can I tell you that I brought it to Caleb's physical therapy appointment yesterday? Can I tell you how impressed the therapist was when she saw me place the handouts she gave me securely inside a binder and was doubly impressed when I took notes on her suggestions in my binder. I can now quickly access everything and put it into my daily schedule. She couldn't believe it. I kid you not, when she saw how seriously and professionally I was taking her job and my job she offered an additional FREE session so we could cover things we didn't get to that day. <br />
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I'm still working on getting some monthly calendars in there and accepting the reality that there just isn't enough time to do everything I want. But seriously, it's just given me a little extra help that's gone a long way when I really needed it. Nicole and Char I will be sending them to you next week.<br />
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"When I have things running smoothly, our home is the happiest, most peaceful place I know"- Denise Schofield2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-19089900814337157712010-09-20T22:04:00.000-07:002010-09-20T22:09:12.624-07:00More Simple Projects- a Bear Pillow"Play brings together head, heart and hand. It is fundamental to each and every one of us and although it may change as we mature, it never completely disappears from our lives... play equips children ... to reach their full potential in the world." <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Play-Your-Toddler-Expertise/dp/1856752860?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Creative Play for your Toddler, Steiner Waldorf Expertise and Toy Projects for 2-4years</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1856752860" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=BearPillow-0042.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/BearPillow-0042.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
Children thrive on play, kid-driven sections of the day where they can discover and explore. This is the message that I am getting from all the parenting books that I'm reading, and nowhere is it more clear than in the books with the Waldorf slant (which are suprisingly a lot right now from a wide variety of experts) That guy really seems all about protecting childhood and letting children develop at their own pace, an idea I've been working to implement in moderation just to help my kids be more calm. After we cut back on the out-of-home activities on our slate I had to get over my initial panic of what on earth am I going to do with my kids all morning/afternoon. I continue to be surprised that there is more than enough to keep my kids playing happily.<br />
This book has some great ideas for home activities, including helping children get deeper into their imaginative play by making, (with mom) real life items for their dolls- clothes, hats, dishes, food, houses, curtains, trucks anything (cereal boxes, toilet paper/paper towel rolls all could have been materials of choice). Per my mantra I skipped their complicated ones and created an easy project I had items for. Using leftover fabric, old quilt batting I've inexplicably had for 2 years, large yarn needles and thick thread, we made bear pillows! <br />
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My kids absolutely loved this activity! I showed them how to sew (and tried to supervise them so things didn't get ugly) and they were totally captivated while they worked on hand-eye/fine motor skills. We had to do it over 2 days and they asked about it non-stop. They had so much fun tucking their bears into bed with them and talking to them during quiet time. Now they want to make blankets and beds and a house... these projects could keep us busy for awhile.2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-3093551307390130252010-09-17T07:02:00.000-07:002010-09-19T09:06:00.501-07:00Resourcefulness and an Endless Supply of Projects"Giving things and materials a second life as something else can be one of the most satisfying of creative expressions" Amanda Blake Soule, the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Family-Encourage-Imagination-Connections/dp/1590304713?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Creative Family: How to Encourage Imagination and Nurture Family Connections</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1590304713" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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One of the best pieces of advice I've gleaned from my reading is the power of resourcefulness. In the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Family-Encourage-Imagination-Connections/dp/1590304713?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Creative Family</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1590304713" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, Soule describes her maternal grandmother who raised her children alone during the Great Depression with virtually no income in rural Maine. Despite their impoverished circumstances their lives were filled with love, adventure and creativity. "Nothing was thrown away, and everything was given new life as something else once its original purpose was complete." <br />
Being resourceful with my kids is genius: it helps me come up with projects on the spot because I don't have to do any prep time or pick up any materials. It saves us money and keeps my kids humming happily, but most importantly resourceful nurtures creativity. A box becomes a candy house or a <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/building-blocks-of-our-lives.html">boat</a>, a drinking straw is a roof on a card decoration, yesterday's newspaper is a <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/hang-on-were-going-somewhere.html">cafe menu</a> or a crown. When my kids have to come up with the building blocks for a <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/09/larte-darrangiarsi-simple-projects-with.html">scarecrow</a> or turn a cereal box into a boat they are learning lots. That motivated problem-solving rivals anything an expert could come up with to develop their minds and imaginations.<br />
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Soule encourages using leftover food (beans, grains), leaves, pinecones, bark, garbage (as in trash! think of great art pieces made out of recyclables), old clothes, rocks, etc. Over the years I've purchased scrapbooking supplies, a hobby I don't always have much time to do anymore. I've been repurposing some old items for their projects. Last week they made a "candy house" and yesterday they made thank you cards for their grandparents and great-grandparents. I was amazed- they did everything on their own- using bits of yarn, ribbon, even independently thought up the idea of using a leftover drinking straw for a roof. They're really getting it- the sky's the limit for fun projects when we think of ways to use what's on hand. <br />
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<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=candyhouse92-0196.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/candyhouse92-0196.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-70668111851981003452010-09-15T07:59:00.000-07:002010-09-15T12:37:58.817-07:00Block Party and Simple Parenting"Children's play flourishes when we let it, rather than make it happen" <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0345507983" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Over the weekend our new neighborhood had a Block Party! It's the first one I've been to and I loved the casual easiness of it as everyone gathered on the street and just hung out. It was nearly an all day event and we were there for 4+ hours with a bounce house, slide, pinata and the teenagers on the street playing for the families. I love activities like this- easy, fun, simple, we just let our kids play and play and play and they cried when it was time to go. It was a side of Los Angeles I hadn't seen before, families and people of all ages in a community interacting and enjoying.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=BLockParty-0255.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/BLockParty-0255.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
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When I look back on the things I've read so far, across the board a common theme from the experts is that parents need to simplify life. Simplify life to connect with kids more, to not push them into too many stressful activities/events, to decipher what they really need, to keep their emotional tanks full and verbalize the positive things they are doing. Scheduling our day has been huge for me, mostly because I come ready to "be there" for them. I'm working on some big charts for my kids, a binder for me, and a checklist of all the goals I'm working on to take it one step further.<br />
But there are still days when they resist my requests, and I want to continue to bring more peace to our home. While I realize it's not necessary, I'm curious to see what the experts say, if there are more tools I can use. I still have a lot of books to get through...<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=BLockParty-0224.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/BLockParty-0224.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-59174849143787821512010-09-14T08:11:00.000-07:002010-09-14T08:11:03.066-07:00Einstein Never Used Flashcards- the Beauty of the Everyday"research overwhelmingly shows that a child’s intellectual awakening takes place during the normal adult-child interactions that occur in everyday, purposeful activities" <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Einstein-Never-Used-Flashcards-Learn-/dp/1594860688?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1594860688" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Phd and Roberta Michnik Golinkof<br />
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I have loved reading Einstein Never Used Flashcards just to get a bit more information about how my kids learn. The basic premise of their book, like so many others I'm reading right now, is that kids need to slow it down and have more interactions with their parents or other caretakers instead of doing lots of classes, activities, etc. They de-bunk some popular myths out there, like listening to Mozart makes your kids smarter, using flashcards and memorizing things works, babies can "add and subtract", and providing an "enriched" environment makes kids more brainy. That last myth came from a study about rats- rats who lived in cages with lots of toys and slides had bigger brains than those who didn't, but what the media didn't publicize is that the rats with the best brains of all were the ones who lived in their natural environment.<br />
Their premise is that kids who are involved in everyday activities with their parents and caretakers have the environment most conducive to how they will learn and develop best. <br />
The other day when we did bakingtime, I was very aware of providing my kids with stimulation and interaction in everyday activities. The problem is that I decided we needed to involve everyone and put in tons of things- pureed carrots, pureed peaches, Craisins, flax etc.- and we all lost it. I was so frustrated by the end I knew that wasn't good either. <br />
So next time I'm going to keep it simple- no point getting too ambitious with any of the activities we are doing.<br />
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Charla and Nicole, thanks for leaving a comment! I'm going to send both of you a starter Steady Days binder ;)2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-53345729025289370772010-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:002010-09-09T11:44:55.615-07:00Ideas for Planning a Steady Day With Young Children"All of us know that our children quickly pick up on our stress and attitude, even when it is unspoken... How perceptive my children are; nothing slips by them. This is my motivation to stay organized. It's hard to be cheerful when you're running late... If I'm feeling pressured, I am less gentle, less attentive, and less pleasant to be around. Organization is a priority for me because it blesses my children" Jamie C. Martin, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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I used to feel like a deer caught in the headlights a lot during the day- what do we do next? But <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/steady-days.html">following the ideas</a> from <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> and seeing each day in visual has <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/building-blocks-of-our-lives.html">helped a lot</a>. I seriously love this schedule idea! Before going to bed I pick up one of my basic <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpNTBmYjljNzEtNzg1MS00NzYzLWFmYzgtYjliNDdjNGRiOWI2&hl=en&authkey=CPbBrtYK">print out sheets</a> and sketch in the plan-here's a <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpNDBlMTc5MTItZDhjOS00ZTRiLTgwM2UtNTliNDA0MzU3ZDIy&hl=en&authkey=CKy62pYI">typed sample</a> because I'm messy with my pages. I usually have my planner so I can work in things from my to-do lists and put down any appointments we might have. I also check my <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpM2Y2ZDg1OWEtMDZmYi00MTk5LWJkOGEtMjM1NzI1MjFkNGJl&hl=en&authkey=CJKYuosC">ideas page</a> listing all the 'times': Storytime, Arttime, Learningtime, Free Play, etc. A lot of them I only get to once or twice a week, so it's nice to mix it up so we can get to the important things ;)<br />
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I don't let myself get frustrated or irritated if we don't stick to it exactly because I know that it's a blueprint, a starting place, for hitting all the things I want to do that day. Seeing those finite little blocks helps me realize that there is only so much time; but over the course of a week we usually can get to <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/trying-to-work-schedule-with-my-little.html">everything important</a>. I still need discipline to get up and keep things moving at a gentle, but steady pace (more on that later). Because I work a little from home and have help that comes a couple times a week I don't have a ton of housework. Martin, the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> author, also says it's hard to create a schedule other than something quite basic if there's a baby in the home less than six months. <br />
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My goal is to use the schedule every day for 28 days so I can make it a habit. Has anyone else tried this schedule thing? If you leave a comment with some feedback before Monday I will pick someone to send a starter binder like the one I'm putting together for myself complete with a supply of daily planner sheets and a spot to write Mom's Favorite Moments. Martin has also posted a bunch of <a href="http://www.steadydays.com/resources.html">resource pages</a> here that are great.2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-69783805651848475852010-09-06T13:55:00.000-07:002010-09-06T14:10:52.074-07:00Throwing in the Banana- Sometimes this Mom Just Wants to Give UpLast week I was having a sweet, snuggly moment with l'il Chrish when suddenly my head whiplashed with pain. My eyes smarted and cheek throbbed like I had been slapped. Caleb had thrown a banana from across the room dead at me. Hard.<br />
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What child, completely unprovoked, clocks their own mother? Obviously I'm doing something totally wrong and all of this hard, painful, excruciating research and work is useless. <br />
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I could almost taste the anger in my mouth I was so blindingly enraged. Just when I was about to lose it the anger gave way a bit to weariness: weariness at trying so hard and still feeling so far away from the answers. And then, just maybe if I thought about it a certain way, under the weariness I felt a tender kind of strength. Roth (<a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Women-Food-God-Unexpected-Everything/dp/1416543074?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Women Food and God</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1416543074" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />) may be onto something because somehow as I took a sec to <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/hey-anger-want-to-be-my-partner.html">feel the emotion</a> it melted away and I was able to handle the situation with a new tack I've been working on: Be focused, firm and sharp as a tack as I 1.try to <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/if-you-dont-understand-concerns-that.html">get at the "incident's" concern </a>which was: Caleb was hungry and wanted me to open the banana for him, after which I 2.pound home the message that: It's <b>Never OK </b>to hit, kick, throw things, or otherwise be rude and harmful because that really, really hurt me and 3.we need to Always Use our Words. Next time say "mom, I'm hungry, can you help me with this?"<br />
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Luckily, very, very luckily, something good happened next. Head hanging, Caleb said "I'm sorry mom." My heart melted. That was the sweetest, most tender and unsolicited sorry my little son has ever said. And it all happened without shouting. <br />
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So in the end my son pounded me and I didn't even wind up punishing him; instead we hugged. Somehow, some way, I found the energy to straggle on through the moment with my 3 little steps. Some would shudder and say I'm just rewarding him. But my son is as confused as am I about why he acts this way at times; controlling himself and <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/if-you-dont-understand-concerns-that.html">naming his need </a> are learned skills. If I want him to use words instead of lashing out I need to model it for him (and see just how hard it can be)! <br />
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I hope I'm on the right track here, sometimes I don't know. There's no dress rehearsals, no second chances, no fast forwarding 10+ years to see what kind of habits my kids have. Parenting is ruthless like that. It's just one little teaching moment at a time, and my kids aren't the only students.<br />
ps. next time I'm going to post a sample schedule. if anyone else has been trying it, please get ready to leave me some feedback! I would totally appreciate it!2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-74018655871687709472010-09-02T12:44:00.000-07:002010-09-02T12:49:17.204-07:00Top Ten List of Things to Do at Home with Kids- 1. Dance Party!"The therapists advised us to keep (our son) moving, so we put on fifties rock ' roll and dropped our butts. "Dance party!" we'd call out after dinner, and head for the living room. Chubby Checker entered the pantheon, displaced Raffi, made "Splish Splash" our favorite song.. We twirled around, did flailing jumping jacks and somersaults, danced the twist, the swim, and the pony. What began as therapy for a three-year-old turned into play for a family, a nightly ritual of music and movement and fun. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, our anxiety over our son's issues and problems was transformed..." Katrina Kenison, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Ordinary-Day-Mothers-Memoir/dp/0446409480?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">The Gift of an Ordinary Day</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0446409480" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Dance-0024.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Dance-0024.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
I have to admit, dance parties feel like they should be impromptu and spontaneous, but usually if I'm not thinking about them or making a teensy bit of effort to plan them, like Katrina Kenison, they just don't happen. And a day with a dance party is a good day because you can't dance without smiling really big. At least we can't. Short, sweet, no mess, no special ingredients, no arguing... just a few minutes of laughter and silliness to pick up our spirits and have fun together. Our favorite songs are <i>Tonight's Going to be a Good Night</i> by Black Eyed Peas and <i>Let's Dance</i> by Lady Gaga. Also <i>Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard</i> by Paul Simon.<br />
I'm coming up with quite a list I work off when I'm <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/08/steady-days.html">scheduling our days</a>. Will post a sample soon.2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-84255176513142155592010-09-01T15:41:00.000-07:002010-09-13T15:52:14.623-07:00"L'arte d'arrangiarsi"- Simple Projects with My Kids"There’s (a) wonderful Italian expression: <i>l’arte d’arrangiarsi</i> – the art of making something out of nothing. The art of turning a few simple ingredients into a feast, or a few gathered friends into a festival. Anyone with a talent for happiness can do this..." Elizabeth Gilbert, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-Love-Everything-Indonesia/dp/0143118420?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Eat Pray Love</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0143118420" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Scarecrow-0002.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Scarecrow-0002.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
I once bought 'idea' cards listing fun activities to do with kids using household items. Sensory boxes, flashlight exploration, ball jars, crumpled newspaper in handkerchiefs... They all sounded good but unfortunately the flashlight batteries were always dead, I couldn't find anything resembling a handkerchief and none of the balls fit in the jars I had. The kicker was that if I actually did pull it together my kids rarely got interested! When I was baking they loved to smell the spices, but if I gave them cinnamon sticks in a sensory box they ran away. I often felt irritated they didn't appreciate my efforts.<br />
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I'm learning that sometimes <i>simple</i> is really the best way to get to <i>special</i>, and focusing on my kids is a much better way to spend the morning than focusing on a handkerchief-hunt. The last thing I want to do is feel irritated, but so often I find my patience wearing when I'm getting an activity together, or hurrying my kids out the door to get to a playdate, a museum, or a park. While going places, meeting friends and being busy are all wonderful and necessary, I sometimes feel they don't allow me to really connect with my kids because we're too busy being entertained to interact. That being said, we do need a bit of a plan because we all have fun, connect with each other and behave better when we find "something to do"- an activity of sorts. I'm learning this activity needs to be easy, require zero prep time, and no special "ingredients". In other words, amidst all the chaos of our lives, I need to whip up "something out of nothing", what the Italians call <i>l'arte d'arrangiarsi</i>- turning a "few ingredients into a feast and a few friends into a festival". <br />
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Yesterday I had planned to stay home in the morning so I could be with my kids, but when we do this I also try to keep it stress-free by not planning anything specific. One time we made a <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/hang-on-were-going-somewhere.html">Hot Chocolate Cafe</a>, another time we "<a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/something-must-give-must-it-always-be.html">went fishing</a>". But today when we finished getting ready for the day I paniced: I literally could not think of anything for us to do! Slowly, I took a deep breath and listened to what was happening in the moment. My guys seemed up for a little project, nothing big but something they could sink their teeth into. I looked around and happened to see an old lamp we were getting rid of just sitting out on the driveway. I saw one of my boys carrying <i>Peter Rabbit</i> and remembered during storytime last week they'd asked a lot of questions about what a scarecrow was. Something told me the lamp would be the perfect scarecrow stand. <i>L'arte d'arrangiarsi</i>. When everyone responded with enthusiasm to "making a scarecrow," we got started.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Scarecrow-1095.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Scarecrow-1095.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
With Beatrix Potter's scarecrow drawing as reference, my boys helped me find a random cardboard tube for the arms. Julian solved the problem of how to attach it to the stand by going inside the house and coming back with an extra firewire computer cable we had sitting around (how oddly genius!) It was strong yet flexible to work with. <br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Scarecrow-1105copy.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Scarecrow-1105copy.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
Caleb brought shoes with laces like the picture and Julian set up the pants with a coat hanger. They coloured in hands and ripped a paper for the face, which was a little small but the right shape. They drew in the face themselves. Their little brothers hung around and helped out, just happy to be a part of the action. I was surprised at how 'into it' they were as they went beyond the picture to come up with their own creations. They stayed engaged when I stepped back to let them try to solve the problems, jumping in only when they got frustrated. In the end, who knew a junky old lamp, cardboard tube, and firewire cable could turn into a free, easy hour of fun and a way to connect with my sons? At one point I got a little giggly when they were working together to put on the jacket and started singing "What works? TeamWork! What works? Teamwork!" (I have no idea where that came from...) because I thought I felt a teeny, tickly sprinkling of <i>l'arte d'arrangiarsi</i> magic hit us just right then.<br />
I realize that sometimes it doesn't all work out like that, but sometimes it does and I'm so glad I try! I've learned the key is to listen to my kids- what are they interested in right now? Are they asking questions about something? What does the day feel like? What do we have lying around? Keeping it simple and focusing on the fact that we just want to do something together, no matter what it is, has taken me a long way from the frustration of my idea cards. If I use what's within arm's reach, listen to the moment and follow my kids' lead, I have a feeling we'll continue to go to some <a href="http://thepuentes.blogspot.com/2010/07/hang-on-were-going-somewhere.html">pretty magic places... together.</a>.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Scarecrow-0004.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Scarecrow-0004.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=Scarecrow-0008copy.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/Scarecrow-0008copy.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-46805218871534777962010-08-30T09:37:00.000-07:002010-08-30T11:02:02.992-07:00Trying to Work the Schedule with my Little OnesUsually I leave our older boys' doctor check ups feeling overwhelmed. I come away with a list of well intentioned "try-to's" that peter out a few weeks later. Last week the doctor's advice included: 1. have one-on-one time with your boys because that's super important for twins 2. try to work on some fine motor skills with Caleb by playing Board Games and other finger activities 3. keep up the physical activity with all my kids and try to sign Caleb up for swim lessons.<br />
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I'm hoping this year I'll take the advice into stride by turning it into habits instead of one-month wonders. I was surprised to find myself turning to my daily routine for help; like making a necklace I'm trying to arrange the beads I want on the string of our day. I've started to include a nanny column for the days that our housekeeper/nanny is in the house, and a column for Ian.<br />
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I can't say enough about the help I'm finding from this <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> routine for little kids. I'm trying to leave us plenty of time to do everything, but we still often fall behind schedule. Still, even if I schedule in a half hour for fine motor skills and we only wind up doing 5 minutes, consistently, it's still an improvement on where we at before. Just being able to see my day on one page with all the spots there are to fit in the things my kids need and I need (all simplified) is such a relief!2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-6221739992374583752010-08-27T07:50:00.000-07:002010-08-29T15:04:31.378-07:00Routines with Little Kids"I had often found it amazing that almost every day I had the opportunity to create a new habit, either positive or negative, in my young children" Jamie C. Martin, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /><br />
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Lately I've been manually jotting down a plan/structure/schedule for our day per the ideas in <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days </a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />(I super highly recommend this book). Overall I want us to do lots of things, and so do my kids!- connect with friends, have Arttime, Musictime, Bakingtime, Learning-letterstime, Naptime, Playtime plus I need to run errands, make dinner and do a million other things. Knowing my first priorities are connecting with my kids and finding a little time to get personal things done have helped me find that with some planning I can do all the things we need over a couple of days.<br />
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Just the simple act of committing the sched to paper is helpful and I'll usually glance at it only a couple times during the day when I get panicky about what to do next. So far Arttime has been a big hit- the other day I brought out the paint and the kids asked if they could turn one of the leftover moving boxes into a ship. They even asked if we could put up a sail and find some water. I love the way that rough planning helps us be more creative and sometimes have more fun then a rigid schedule or no plan at all.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=DSC_1067copy.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/DSC_1067copy.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
I really feel like drawing from a big store of ways to spend the day and arranging them ahead of time in whatever works for us is one of the most important tools I've discovered so far. I used to go into work with a plan- a list of items that need doing and blocks of time for doing them, why should this be any different? My plan isn't set in stone, if my kids are clamoring for baking muffins when we had arttime down we switch, or if a park day invite pops up, we can switch out our free play time. It's just a blueprint, a starting place to shape the moving pieces of our day so we hit all the important things. It helps me see the things we did do that day, instead of the things we didn't.<br />
<a href="http://s679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/?action=view¤t=DSC_1026copy.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv151/impuente/DSC_1026copy.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />
The problem is that it's hard to make myself keep it up! At work I had other adults that I was interacting with who wanted to see my results and kept me accountable. Here, let's be honest, as long as nobody calls Child Services on me and my husband opens the door to a relatively peaceful home, my work is accountable to no person. To make things worse, unlike my workplace where the results of what I did could be seen right away, many of these results aren't going to be seen for years to come, maybe even decades. The shaping of minds and hearts is long term stuff that starts with each and every day. Like beads on a string there will literally be thousands and thousands of them before my kids leave home. How do I keep up the willpower to be purposeful and intentional about each one?<br />
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One answer I came upon last night is to use my fellow-moms and friends to support and be accountable to each other. Why not invest in each other's success? A couple friends I meet with in the <a href="http://www.powerofmoms.com/">Power of Moms</a> learning circle have agreed to be reportees with our daily plans so I'm interested to see how that goes (I'm counting on you to count on me!) And I encourage everyone who might be interested to try out the structure idea- print out <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOGZmNTRjNTctNzE0NC00MTgwLTg3MWYtMGRlODZkZTE3M2U1&hl=en">these</a>, make your own etc.- and write back after a week with how it went. I would love to hear from you!2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-5513623782366139882010-08-25T07:49:00.000-07:002010-08-29T15:04:58.299-07:00Steady Days"Every mother functions best when she's being intentional with her time and energy" Jamie C. Martin, <i>Steady Days</i><br />
Jamie C. Martin immersed herself in motherhood by having three kids all the same age: one biological and two adopted from India and Africa. The basic premise behind her short and lovely book <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Steady-Days-Intentional-Professional-Motherhood/dp/0984124608?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0984124608" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> is that moms should approach their job with as much professionalism and purpose as any important CEO, because that job is one of the most important ever.<br />
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She has a couple really simple principles that I love: plan the day. I love her choice of the word "steady" because I think it's an encouragement to provide that stability that everybody works best under. Create a 'Steady Routine' that might be the same every day, or different each day of the week. Plug in the blocks of time with all the things that mom and kids need and want to do. Her ideas include: <b>Structured Play</b> (kids and mom play with a toy that mom chooses, maybe something kind of involved) <b>Free Play</b> (letting kids play unconstrained and often outside, although usually needs to be supervised), <b>Room Time</b> (teaching kids how to play on their own and mom doesn't always need to entertain them, best if confined to a room and special toys get taken out at this time), <b>Quiet Time</b> (either napping or, if an older kid it's different from Room Time: kids lie quietly and look at books and kind of rest) <b>Storytime</b>, <b>VideoTime</b>, <b>Arttime</b>, <b>Baking, Crafttime, Individual Time, Scrapbooks</b> (recording with kids what happened that day). Of course errands, playdates and outings get built into the day also. She has suggests making a column for you and your husband and/or nanny so that mom can do things she needs to get done during Quiet Time or Room Time.<br />
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I've been reading lots of books about the best ways to use my time with my kids, but this one helps me fit all the pieces fit together and not get overwhelmed, embracing and enjoying the moments like I want to without worrying about getting this or that done. I've always heard that kids thrive on routine, planning and order to the day. My sister in law told me that she once taught two separate kindergartens: one that had a lot of rules and structure and one that had none. Surprisingly, the kids did much better in the one with the structure. I know that this will be good, but sometimes it's hard not to get on a phone call that goes for a long time. If I was at work though I know I'd keep it short- and I am, after all, working!<br />
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Jamie herself admits that sometimes you can get into a bit of a rut if you don't plan some spontaneity in there too. It's an odd thought that having fun with my kids is kind of hard work at times, and spontaneity takes a bit of planning to set the stage, but it's my experience! One of my own favorite discoveries- <b>Creative Play</b> (playing together with my kids but letting them lead them activity and see where they take us), helps us have fun and connect with each other.<br />
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Anyways, <a href="https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B5jnGvTNO9XpOGZmNTRjNTctNzE0NC00MTgwLTg3MWYtMGRlODZkZTE3M2U1&hl=en">here's my planner</a>. I found that I need to print these out and write in them every day. I can't always stick to things perfectly, but found that the days definitely goes more smoothly when it's there. How to stay motivated and disciplined? Martin urges moms to remember our motivation- to give our kids our best. "What keeps me going in the midst of unpleasant difficulties is a Steady Heart. This is even more important that a Steady Day, because if you have a Steady Heart, the Steady Days will soon follow. A Steady Heart contains a sense of purpose, the idea that you know why you are doing what you're doing, even down to the most mundane of tasks. Everything is involved in the big picture, so everything is important." Jamie C. Martin2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-47356313248349726882010-08-19T23:05:00.000-07:002010-08-30T09:22:07.286-07:00Hey Anger, Want to Be My "Partner?""When we allow ourselves to feel the full heat of anger without expressing it, a mountain of strength and courage is revealed" Geneen Roth<br />
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Oprah vouchee <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Women-Food-God-Unexpected-Everything/dp/1416543074?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Geneen Roth</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1416543074" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> has written a bunch of books designed to help people who eat compulsively, but she's the first to say her theories apply to anything dealing with losing control to something, so I decided to apply Roth's ideas to anger management in parenting. At that moment when I'm about to lose control and witch-face morph happens and I say a bunch of words I only sort of meant at a very loud volume, I stop and actually feel the emotion that is swallowing me. What is its story? She even gets into things like asking what colour it is (black? red? magenta?), where we feel it on our bodies (chest? kidney? stomach? big toe? j/k) and a physical object it resembles (tightening belt? crashing wrecking ball?).<br />
In the heat of a parenting moment I don't have time to do all of that; I just do my best in a few seconds. When I take the time to feel what is coming, and this sounds completely crazy, but here goes: I almost feel like my emotion is telling me something important that I can only hear if I stay in control and actively listen. If I do this I can actually partner with my anger as it directs me in a response.<br />
Today one son wanted a sugary-something around dinner and I said no, eventually he started to spit at me <i>and</i> call me "poopy mommy." I felt the anger explode- what an outlandishly rude thing to do simply because I'm trying to keep him healthy! I took a couple deep breaths, watching him as I listened. It felt like the anger was actually not so much about what <i>he</i> was doing, but <i>me</i> feeling my dignity, my pride even, was threatened. In the same instant I felt a surge of something else -how could this tired little boy, and I could see by watching that he was tired- honestly, actually, truly threaten my dignity. Surprisingly I felt a quiet, steady power inside me that sounded of echoing eternities; my divine nature. As soon as I showed the anger this place it softened into an understanding of sorts, not exactly compassion like the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Anger-Patience-Buddhist-Perspective/dp/1559390735?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Dalai Lama</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1559390735" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" /> describes, but maybe its not as hot, but decent-looking younger brother: understanding. This understanding embraced me as I quietly, but intently watched him spit and potty-talk in my face for just a moment longer until he kind of stopped, almost like he was silenced by my face. I used some of the other things I've been learning to teach him this was unacceptable and he apologized. All of this took place in ten seconds. He climbed on my lap like it never happened. <br />
I wish I could say that adding this great new tool on my belt is really pouring out the peace- but that would be lying. What it's mostly doing is helping me melt stressful events quickly, not explode them; it's helping me dissolve my anger, not store it. In different situations I feel the anger differently and respond in different ways. Obviously I'm not supermom and can't figure this out all the time but when I can, listening to the anger sometimes also shows me where the motivation is coming from: a hitting moment is taking out frustration at not getting a need met instantly; a teasing moment is dealing with boredom. My kids need to maturely deal with boredom and frustration, but that'll take time. No two and four year old can master it. Realistically it will take years of teaching and learning; I don't know why I sometimes think that yelling is going to speed it up.<br />
In the meantime, the words in <a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/moro/7/45#45">Moroni 7:45-46</a> have been going through my mind a lot lately, mostly because I'm starting to see how beautiful, but long this journey is going to be: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind... is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things... charity never faileth. Wherefore cleave unto charity which is the greatest of all"<br />
Hoo boy.2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25218371.post-8772589180488187872010-08-17T22:31:00.000-07:002010-08-19T21:12:56.736-07:00This Just Got a Lot Harder-Today at the park I asked one of my sons to stop pushing a rotating circle-thing so his little brother could get off. He flagrantly ignored me, kept pushing, and baby brother got dragged and scraped on the ground. I stopped my son, then calmly told him that what he did hurt his baby brother. Without warning he struck me right across the face.<br />
If I back up a bit, just prior to going to the park I consciously did try to give all my sons as much attention as I could to fill up their 'emotional tanks' and connect with them. As we were getting ready to go, another son tossed our car keys in the air and they had mishappenly landed in a small crack underneath the sealed concrete steps of my brother's house. Despite me and my sister-in-law straining for 20 minutes lying on our bellies and reaching into mouldy dirt with wire hangers, pens, magnets, prayer, and wooden spatulas with the rubber tips removed, we didn't get them. Afterwards, I was a little stiff as I handled my kids, a tad rougher than usual. Having the sliding door close on one of my son's little fingers, crushing and bruising them blue didn't help. Also having another son consistently take his shoes off and throw them into obscure hiding places on three separate occasions also didn't wipe out the black cloud that was gathering over my head.<br />
I could feel the tension in my voice as I struggled not to yell while we walked to the park. It still didn't prevent a meltdown. About a minute before my son punched me in the face, my sister in law said that if she was me, she would be yelling all day long at her kids. <br />
Today was an especially bad day and traveling makes things rough. I realize that my 2x2 situation is very unusual, but having these stressful events that occur both accidentally and on purpose breed more chaos have become the new norm as my kids hit 2 and 4. <br />
I'm not just talking about embarrassing behavior that doesn't look good (although thankyou for pointing that out in your comment, Staci, because that does happen too and I'm learning to let that go). What I mean by meltdowns is when my kids cross a line where their flagrant disobedience causes intentional harm to me and/or their siblings, or drains me of time and energy by cleaning up huge, unintentional, messes and totally enrage me. But the meltdowns are also connected to these weird, stress-inducing, accidental events that I can't prevent very easily.<br />
These stress-inducing events typically don't happen when we're doing our child-driven creative play. But we can't do that all day every day. Life requires us to go to the park, visit our family, and pick up the dry-cleaning. And no matter how emotionally tanked up everybody is, and I'm realizing how desperately important that is now, the bottom line is that with too many little kids around it can get crazy. Exponentially, terrifyingly crazy. <br />
In light of all this, I'm making a bold, possible super-crazy goal over one thing I can control: do not ever, under any circumstances, or for any amount of love or money, lose my temper. Ever. (Although, one stipulation: I may be aiming for progress, not perfection here).<br />
When I lose my temper I can't find it for awhile. Shouting can be very effective, but with little recovery time before the next random crisis of blueberry stains, nuclear diapers, broken lamps or a shoved little brother strikes, it's all too easy to get completely insane. Yelling and turning into witch-face makes my kids cry. It breaks them, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot and sometimes into too many pieces. The anger ripples through everyone, giving the thumbs up for all my little guys to lose it too. In the Dalai Lama's book on the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Anger-Patience-Buddhist-Perspective/dp/1559390735?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Power of Patience</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1559390735" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, he says outbursts of anger plant the seeds of anger in others- "that person does not hang on to anger but passes it on, perhaps repeatedly." Acting in anger diminishes our virtues; if left unchecked anger can destroy us. Staying with patience is strength, it brings immense power.<br />
But I found that when I kept myself checked, the anger eventually explodes anyways- bigger, uglier and guiltier. In <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/Women-Food-God-Unexpected-Everything/dp/1416543074?ie=UTF8&tag=amazingc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969">Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=amazingc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1416543074" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important; padding: 0px !important" />, Geneen Roth has a focused approach. She believes in the importance of facing deficiencies, of being with a yucky feeling instead of drowning in it or escaping from it or numbing away from it. "All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope." Skeptical at first, I've had some success with her ideas. She believes there is great power in feeling anger without acting out in it. "When we allow ourselves to feel the full heat of anger without expressing it, a mountain of strength and courage is revealed."<br />
Seriously? Could that actually be true? We'll see...2x2mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267193044430692noreply@blogger.com1