Canadian vay-cay

I'm still recovering from our trip up to Canada even though we've been back almost a week. We had so much fun, and I need to post lots of photos of our family reunion, but I use the term 'vay-cay' loosely because anytime we're without Isabel for more than 24hours it's not too restful, and we get too ambitious. We completely forget that we now have 2x2 and think our old shenanigans are still basically doable. We planned to visit beautiful Banff for a couple days with my cousin and her hubs and their three kids, and my brother and sister agreed to come along for support. It's about a 4-5hr. drive from Edmonton, and unbeknownst to us construction in the area would make it even longer. The trip nearly fell through at the last minute as we, I, (or was it Ian?) had the utterly loon-bin idea that we could borrow some gear and camp. Luckily just as she was about to confirm our camping reservation online, my cousin Jaima had a panic attack (a shadow of what was to come if we had actually done it, I'm sure) and we decided to get a hotel instead. I'm soooo glad we did that, the very thought of packing and unpacking all of our gear, setting up a tent, lighting a fire and getting my 2x2s to sleep in a sleeping bag in the rain (oh yes, it rained) makes me want to pass out into an unconscious stupor for the rest of the month.


We left at about 9am and got ourselves to Johnston's Canyon hiking trail entry sign at around 2:30, inexplicably. An unfortunate downfall of having potty-trained children is that roadtrips require an intolerable amount of interruptions, so we resorted to the old plastic bottle to ensure we got to Banff while the sun still shone. Oh yeah, we're very high class.
Just as we were unloading it started raining. I've lived in LA for so long that the only weather gear I think kids need are flip flops and am always shocked when I get rained on. Instead of exposing their children to rain a more sane family probably would have headed straight to the hotel, or pulled out the galoshes they picked up at Target several months prior in the appropriate 'future size'. Unfortunately, I am not sane. So as Jaima and Jeff's kids (and all the other kids on the trail) walked along completely waterproofed and their little baby rode comfortably in his mini tent-backpack, our kids got loaded in the Snap N Go carseat clip-on-frame stroller with a blankie over the top and pajama bottoms on their heads.

I felt like a circus, and judging on the amount of comments we got we looked like one too. Don't get me wrong, people were very helpful and kind, far more than I'm accustomed to, but we still sort of stuck out amongst the trimly dressed granolas, like my brother John. Luckily no one was snide, because they would have gotten an earful. And in fact, while nursing in the restaurant while waiting for my brother John, who accidentally hiked off with the key to our van, when the waitress in the tea house heard I had two sets of twins she gave me two teapots of delicious apple blossom tea.
Somehow we made it through the night at the hotel to hit Lake Louise the next day. We even canoed on the lake, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. It was all so very gorgeous, and I'm glad we went and didn't let the 2x2 situation stop us. But I can't say I really recommend making all the 'improvisations' we made. The one thing I'm glad we all brought along was a good sense of humour.
I do, however, wish someone had brought some baby Vicks because all the kids seem to be sick this week.
Or a baby rain coat.

my little ladybugs are flying away

This is the story of Caleb and Julian's very last day at the UCLA Early Intervention preschool program they've been attending for the past year+. Because of their early birth, the boys had some delays when they started in the program and were eligible for many services through the Regional Center, but I'm happy to report that they have made so much progress that technically they are no longer eligible for anymore services. UCLA rocks at pretty much everything, and this preschool is no exception.

our last Friday in the Pollywog pool program

The boys have enjoyed swinging, running and tricycling in the beautiful playground, swimming in the pool with me on Fridays, painting and exploring different themes and topics and interacting with their teachers who are always gentle, caring and loving with them. Carmen, Julian's teacher, was his very first crush, and they both love to run to their lead teacher Sevan when they get to school in the morning. When I was on bedrest one of the things that totally saved us was this program. When we brought our new little babies home to fill our home to six people, the UCLA program and the routine it gave the boys saved us again. We've had so many transitions over the past year and I don't know how I would have done it without this school.

Jack and Christian loved hanging out at the big boys school



The boys are about to turn three and when you turn three you leave this preschool. Today was 'our' graduation. It was bittersweet and emotional for all of us as we said goodbye to these dear teachers and incredibly nurturing program. Caleb and Julian asked for these ladybug cupcakes and I was happy to make them, (they were pretty simple but look very cool) they were a big hit with the other kids. The ladybug flies from one adventure to the next. Looks like this is one adventure we're leaving behind as we move towards more in the future.

Happy Birthday Cake

Ian and I threw our first 'real' birthday party for Caleb and Julian on Saturday. I've so far avoided having to bake them a birthday cake, but this year they were too aware and excited about their birthday to put it off. I find cake making has been one of those surprise mommy-skills I didn't realize I would need until I need it! Caleb and Julian chose their own cakes from a magazine (completely on their own!). They were a bit out of my league and I had to do some research online to find out how to make meringue buttercream frosting (my first batch was a disaster!) But luckily it all came together. 12+ of their little friends ran around in the backyard in our wading pool. They had a blast running away from Ian as he squirted them with a hose. Unfortunately most of our photos got erased... we will just have to remember what a fun party it was. They certainly seemed to feel loved, and that's what matters.

the Art of the Non-Complaint

This year Ian made a goal that he's going to run a half-marathon (although it's recently been bumped up to a marathon). I made a goal that I would "exclusively" breastfeed Jack and Christian for one year. And after the first few months when I got confident I could actually do it I even decided that I was never going to buy formula for them. This was mostly from a desire to save money than from being a hardcore au natural momma, but I also wanted them to get the things breastmilk has to offer. (*We do get free formula samples from the doctor though, and she often takes pity on us and gives us a lot so we've got a backup stash. But I don't get too hung up on a few bottles a week...).



While it's been hard I think I've handled it pretty well. I used a pillow to help me tandem nurse when they were little. Getting them both on there at the same time was tricky, but it saved a lot of tears, time and my back. And since it's been a challenge to produce enough milk for two some adjustments were made. I've had to steer clear of certain things that make my supply dip, like running and being away from the babes for more than an hour and a half for the first six months (I learned to do my errands very, very quickly and letting non-essential stuff wait). I found that eating oatmeal and drinking fenugreek tea helped. When I hit six months I thought I was going to go nuts trying to feed the tigers, but the pressure eased when solids came to the rescue. With less than three more months to go I thought that we were on easy street.

I've learned that I should NEVER think that I'm on easy street. Life always seems to have a double-sized challenge (or two) that it's been saving just for me, and this was no exception. Christian has had a little runny nose almost since he was born. His older brother had the same thing, and once we narrowed the problem down to adenoids and had them removed the problem was resolved. Since huge adenoids run in the family we assumed this the same deal.

Well, almost. In addition to enlarged adenoids we found out last week Christian is allergic to two things: egg whites AND dairy. There is a very good chance he'll outgrow these by age two, but in the meantime if I want to keep nursing I've got to eliminate them from my diet. One or the other is bad enough, but both together is rough. I've slowly discovered this means avoiding most breads, muffins, cookies, cakes, all pasta (lasagna, spaghetti, linguini, gnocchi, pizza!), ice cream, milk, (which means cereal too), cinnamon buns, waffles, pancakes, pies, casseroles, yogurt, fro-yo, cheese (which is in practically everything), chocolates... the list just goes on and depressingly on.

Normally I would wallow in complaints. My friends would lend a kind and sympathetic ear as I moaned, and probably encourage me to quit nursing already. I've done really well, but honestly, it's too much. And they would be kinda right. Normally this is what I'd do.

But you know, something is different about me lately. I think it has to do with the fact that as of two days ago I'm 32. And maybe it's that I've got 4 kids when just a couple years ago I didn't have any and thought I was still a kid myself, and my kids whine multiple times a day and I've found it hurts my ears and I realize it's time we all grew up a little. And maybe it's because in RS we've been talking about how damaging "murmuring" is, how the Laman and Lemuels never get it, and how hard criticizing is on our families, our communities and our nations. Because at the heart of it is a feeling of ingratitude and entitlement that I should be free from hitting bumps in the road. Because really, no matter how much I have there will always, always be something imperfect about my situation. So I decided that I was going to try a little harder to keep working towards my goal quietly and not bemoan the rocky patches. Well, at least try to keep it down.

Ian and I celebrated my birthday by spending a lovely, child-free evening and morning at the Hilton Garden Inn thanks to Ian's family. As we sat down for breakfast on the patio, the hostess named off the orders we could place- omelettes, french toast, eggs done any way we'd like, waffles, pancakes, crepes... all forbidden food. I headed to the breakfast bar to find yogurts, scrambled eggs, cheeses and fruit, creamy milk and cereal, butter for puffy bread, and as I helped myself to the one safe thing I could find besides cantelope -oatmeal which I would normally drown in milk- I wanted to complain. This sucks, I said to myself, but let's try not to dwell on it. I let myself have a mini pity party, but I knew that Ian didn't want to be invited and neither did I frankly.

But besides warding off a gloomy cloud, I found something else happened. I noticed some fruity sauces for the waffles and pancakes and tossed it on the oats. It was so good! I experimented with juice combos too. Yum. Ian and I chatted amiably and happily without my poutiness spoiling the morning.

Not that I feel like we should keep grievances completely under wraps. Acknowledging hardships instead of brushing them blindly aside is healthy (and otherwise I would feel like a hypocrite for writing this post!). I liked this quote from Jessica Seinfeld's 'Deceptively Delicious' Cookbook: "When my kids complain to me that their friends get to eat what I consider "junk," I try to answer honestly yet firmly and sympathetically. For example: "I see that you're disappointed about the cereal in our house, but eating cereal that is made of a lot of sugar is not good for your teeth or body..." I empathize with their feelings, but I don't give in. I find that this re-assures them, and it confirms my credibility and consistency."

Empathy is super-important, and acknowledging our own and others challenges is vital. But when I keep it like that I steer clear of complaining, I'm no Polyanna, but I lodge a non-complaint if you will. That way I won't miss the fruity sauces. And the strawberry-blueberry combo on oatmeal is especially delicious.

the Very Busy Week

My head is still spinning from our very fun and very busy weekend and week. The weather is getting warmer and we are starting to do lots of fun things that we couldn't do last year because I was on bedrest.
On Friday night Ian took Caleb and Julian to a father-son campout organized by our stake. They all had a great time, even if they didn't get a great sleep, and are looking forward to the next campout. It was fun to meet up with their friends from school, especially their buddy Beckett.


On Saturday afternoon we headed over to Valencia for a birthday party. We met Abigail and Thomas in the NICU when they were first born around the same gestational age as Caleb and Julian. It is so wonderful to see that all of our kids are doing so well after their early births and it was fun to celebrate with Abigail and Thomas.


On Monday we went to the beach for the first time in two years with Ian's brother and his family and some friends. Jack thought that the sand was very tasty, and Caleb and Julian couldn't get enough of playing in the waves. Next time Ian and I will dress better for the water.


On Tuesday we took the boys to some of the parks around here including Aidan's Place and Coldwater Canyon. The boys loved playing and playing and we had to drag them away.



On Wednesday we went to Disneyland. Ian took the day off of work and all four kids joined us (but no camera- it's just too much to deal with). We got there at 9am and left at nearly 7pm. It was crazy, but unbelievably fun.
On Thursday we had our last day of the friends school we've been doing with all our neighborhood buddies. We've had such a great year so far and are looking forward to doing the Joy School curriculum this fall. Everybody came over for lunch. It was chaos but so nice to enjoy all the growing families around us.


For the next few days, I think that we are all going to have stomachaches.

Mother's Day Milestones

The past couple of weeks before Mother's Day it seems like we've been hitting major milestones daily at hyperdrive speed. Christian and Jack are both sitting up for 10 minutes at a time, they're crawling on their bellies, they've started singing in the mornings (well, I call it singing, I don't about other people), eating 4 solid feedings a day, Jack's first tooth erupted but poor Christian is the one who's been through teething misery, Caleb and Julian transitioned to big boy beds and we're on our fourth week of potty training.


Losing the diapers and the cribs seem like letting the last ties to babyhood/toddlerhood slip away and we're bravely (sort of) entering childhood. If potty training is our first peek into this world, it's been rather interesting. Looking back, I think that we kind of did it all wrong. That being said, I don't know that there's really anyway to do this right. A bazillion factors are connected to this process- the kid's readiness and desire (not the same thing), our attention and ability to teach them (I've learned the hard way that making them wait a few minutes is not a good idea but sometimes I just can't get there!), finding the right rewards/reactions to failures and successes, etc.

I could go into more details, but let me just say that potty training Caleb and Julian has been one of the most overwhelming and educational things that I have ever done. There's the accidents, the fighting to get them to go potty before we leave the house, the false alarms... it all takes a toll. Then there's the grand naptime when everyone goes down and Caleb and Julian have taken turns for about an hour getting up and down from the potty as I try to figure out if they're stalling or just having a hard time (it's 50/50 but I don't want to take chances) and at last I get them down and collapse on the floor outside their room because my arms feel like they are literally going to fall off only to hear the babies waking up for their turn. That's when the song 'Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel' made sense to me in a way it hadn't before. I'm not sure if I can recommend the method of learning patience by having it beaten into you when you're down, but it's good for those who need to get it in a hurry.

So besides Ian making an amazing breakfast for me, for Mother's Day weekend we went to visit the rose garden at the Huntington in Pasadena. It was breathtakingly beautiful, hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of beautiful buds have opened into gorgeous blooms and the air was clouded with perfume. Growing and changing isn't easy, I was reminded of that when we took the boys to the potty during our visit (diapers would have eliminated that), Christian got cranky (more teething?), Jack tipped over on the bench (ouch!) The journey is messy, but we've got to get there to get to the blossom. While we were taking in the day, a middle aged couple strolled by us and said 'It goes by so fast, we've just been talking about sending our kids to college this year. Make sure you enjoy these years!'

Yeah, we are enjoying our little buds while we can. We are.

Home is Where You Make It

Almost exactly two years ago Ian and I moved. By dumb blind luck we sold our townhouse at the market's inflated peak and walked away with almost the entire amount that we bought it for 3 years earlier. We moved to a little spot with young families like ours. Like everyone else we planned to live here for a year or two and then move on to our 'real' home. The one where we'd raise our kids and plant our apricot trees and I'd have a crafts room and be on the PTA. The one where we'd really unpack everything and make our lifelong friends.

After we'd been here for a year the little guys came along, and we knew our two bedroom wouldn't be easy to keep living in. At the beginning of the year we also needed to stay close to Ian's work so he can keep helping me as much as he does. Houses around here aren't really in our range so buying a place was out, but so was renting another bedroom. Renting a 3 bedroom is too expensive for our budget and with paying for full-time help would really eat at our savings. We had to make the space work for awhile, and at the beginning it really wasn't super hard.

The babies slept anywhere!

We hit a major obstacle in January when Jack and Christian shed all remnants of that newborn-portable-sleepy stage. They needed to be soothed to sleep, and they needed a quiet, dark little space that would keep them asleep for an hour or two (and give me a much-needed break). This led to endless experimenting. Caleb and Julian's room was out. The bathrooms are super teeny, and the closets in mine and Ian's room are too small for even the smallest port-a-crib (believed me, I looked high and low!). It took several weeks to figure out a solution- the place and manner to soothe the babies, a mattress that fit on the closet floor, and a white noise player that helped block out the sound. After 8 weeks (8 weeks!) of having my patience tested so thoroughly there were moments I thought I would strangle anyone that crossed my path, we started to have more good days then bad days. Jack and Christian now go down regularly at 9am for 1-2 hours and the whole gang takes a grand nap at 1pm for 1-3hours. Everyone is down by 7pm at night.

I was really impressed with myself. I must admit some flaws existed in the system. During the grand nap I couldn't talk on the phone, (too loud), use my computer (in my room), work in the kitchen (shared a wall with Christian's closet), work on my crafts (too noisy in my room) or nap (I guess I'm a noisy sleeper) or do anything except be trapped in our super bright living room thumb-twiddling. It sucked, but was doable, although looking back I can see how I was getting very strained (um, yeah, that's putting it nicely). I felt exhausted but triumphant and was even deluded enough to start writing a post about how 2 bedroom living with a 2+2+2 family was 'totally manageable.'

Well, one night Christian woke himself up about 6 times. Despite my padding, he rolled into the closet and was banging his head against the door. He was growing so fast, already the closet was too small for him! We thought about moving him to the living room, but were worried he'd keep Caleb and Julian awake, who were now crib jumping. Or worse, they'd mess with him in the middle of the night. As I talked about the issue with my friend Natalie, I realized how anxious I had really become. Obviously, we had to make a change. We needed to move.

Christian when he first started sleeping in the closet

Which brings us to 'the plan'. It's time to buy a house, our house, the quaint bungalow that's drastically reduced in a little neighborhood somewhere just waiting for a young family to take possession. This was our plan from the beginning, so let's get on with it already. Except, Ian and I have a big fat something standing in the way.

Ian is planning on becoming a producer. There are so many questions about this process that the future is pretty unclear but one thing is for certain: taking on a big mortgage would shut the door to that option. I'd like to think it wouldn't, that we could work around it, but I know in my heart that it will. So, what's it going to be? Our stable life with the PTA and the lifelong friends like most normal people our age are doing, or... do we continue to chase the dream.

Honestly though, aren't we're too old for risky plans/dreams? Isn't this the point where most people just give it up and get on with their lives? Or at least have their dreams morph into something more sensible or take up a hobby? While I do like living in the city, everybody feels a pull towards the next phase of life when we hit certain crossroads, and that's what I feel now. It seems the smart thing to do.

As Ian and I talked about where we'd move I began to feel in my heart that our small fortune (at least for us!) from selling our house a couple years ago wasn't meant to be used to buy another one at this time. Or maybe ever. It was given to us to invest in Ian. He can't support a family and build a business without some start-up capital, and this little bone was thrown to us so we can keep going. Even if we put every penny into Ian and nothing happens, I will think it would have been well worth it. Although I have a very good feeling something IS going to happen, we're taking a risk so it could go either way because that's the way risks work.

So we decided to put off our forever after a little longer. We may never move to a home that we own, at least for a long time, but that's OK. It's an expectation that I am starting to let go of. Miraculously, a 3 bedroom apartment in our complex dropped in price and we realized it wouldn't be too painful to rent. The big items were carted by movers and we moved the rest in strollers and shopping carts so we didn't have to deal with unpacking. (I actually stayed in my pajamas the entire day, it was that insane.) As we're settling into our new space, I'm realizing maybe the universe threw us another little bone. Not just the too-perfect moving situation, but with all the help we got and continue to receive. Our RS President and my friends Natalie and Lindsay watching my kids, my friend Ashlee bringing us lunch and Deborah bringing us dinner reminded me that our caring friends make this experience manageable. I may still have a craft corner instead of a crafts room but I'm happy. Maybe these are our lifelong friends, and this is our real home.

what a bunch of vagabonds!!

Christian and Jack getting moved