Do I have too Many Toys, or Not Enough Toys and How Do I get my Kids to Play with Them?

There are so many places to start when it comes to bringing more peace to my home. One thing that I've been wondering about is how to get my kids to play better- or even just play for ten seconds without having to break up a fight. I've noticed for awhile that it seems like my kids aren't playing with their toys, or if they do it's not for very long. Thinking that good toys would help, I bought more - at Target, thrift stores, online sales, craigslist, etc. - spending carefully and trying to pick quality- so they would play happily. I also organized them better. I created a "toy library" where different toys would get rotated through and be "new" again. I made puzzle bags and got rid of toys that had been outgrown or were too challenging.

I noticed that my kids did play with them a little more after that. They went for old toys that were in new places and got excited about ones they hadn't seen in awhile. But in the end I still felt like my kids weren't getting into the "flow" of play, where their attention and imagination were captured for an extended period of time (as in longer than 2 minutes) and they weren't fighting or calling for me. They'd pull something out and quickly abandon it or they'd want me to "do it" so I'd wind up playing with it which seemed odd. Either way it always created chaos. I felt like I didn't have enough toys, or I was missing the right toys to capture their imagination. I'd look at preschool classrooms and see the shelves and shelves of toys they had. Maybe that's what it took- a big collection. But it didn't matter how much I'd buy, I never came much closer to creating a peaceful play atmosphere.
Something that's been coming up in several of the parenting books I'm reading is that too many toys overwhelm kids and actually make it harder for them to engage in play. In "Simplicity Parenting" Kim John Payne sites dramatic changes in normally developing kids and kids diagnosed with learning disabilities when the number of toys they have at home is significantly reduced to just a handful. While it's never been easier to overwhelm kids with toys with expert marketing, cheap, cheap costs and the fact they're even in gas stations now, according to him and others, a mountain of toys encourages behavior that is hyper, demanding, and "entitled."
I didn't believe we had a "mountain" on our hands, but I decided to get rid of some of our toys more ruthlessly than before. I gathered up the ones that they had outgrown over a year ago (rattles and other things I was holding onto for heavens knows why). That filled an entire garbage bag. I was shocked!! Then I gathered up the ones that were broken, poorly designed, or missing pieces that I hoped my kids would overlook and play with anyway. Another huge garbage bag. Then I gathered toys in good shape but weren't getting played with into the "toy library". Two huge garbage bags.

Immediately it felt good to have the stacks and clutter gone and to look in a box or on a shelf and see a solitary toy instead of a jumble. The changes in fighting and play were much more dramatic than my first attempt. My kids really did start playing with the toys they had for longer stretches. I saw them looking in boxes that no longer had anything in them, and keep playing with what they already pulled out.
Watching my kids play in a less cluttered environment has made me realize I've been expecting their toys to do all the work for them-I felt if they had just the right toy, or enough toys, then they'd really play happily. But what matters more then what toys kids have is HOW they engage with them. Payne says engaged play "is not in the things themselves, it is the force with which children move, imagine, and design with them." Having less- less toys, less expectations from me, and less input from toys has lead to some great discoveries...
to be continued