Savoring the Sweetness of Vanishing Moments

I was chatting in the park the other day with a new acquaintance; this sweet, dear woman was telling me how difficult she was finding the whole 'motherhood' thing and I was nodding sympathetically. She expressed an intense longing for the time when her kids were a little older and it was a little easier.
I don't know what it is with me the past couple weeks, but I've started feeling just the teensiet bit sad whenever I hear someone, or even myself, say "I can't wait until______(fill in the blank examples: my kids are feeding themselves/putting their shoes on/staying dry at night/sleeping through the night/doing their own laundry/wiping their own noses etc.) This is a pretty big shift for me because I spent the first three years of C+J's life talking about how I couldn't wait for them to do xyz that I thought would make my life more comfortable).
Lately I'm truly realizing that each stage has its own set of treasures and they go by in a blink- when the babies aren't sleeping through the night they're preciously soft and spectacularly cuddly and yummy and tiny and new, and when they aren't potty-trained they're learning to really communicate and they think every tiny mundane thing about the world we live in is a stupendous miracle, and when they're still wetting the bed they have the most vivid imaginations and the whole world is alive with magic and secrets and screaming with glee. I took the kids to the pharmacy today and while waiting for quite awhile (seriously we were there for 45 minutes even though it was a call-in) we had a blast playing monster behind a $4 MedicationSpecial display. I looked a little crazy play-grabbing at them, (what else is new) but I've been embracing the fact that my kids are at the stage when they're happier having fun and so am I. A random older lady even joined me in playing monster. She just came up, said 'boo' and hid behind the display and left giggling. While hiding behind the display C&J found three hollow cardboard inner tubes and worked together to hold them just right so they'd make them a long tunnel for a dark blue ring they got at the dentist's office to fall through. The entire pharmacy line was watching them, spellbound, to see if the engineering was correct enough for the ring to make it through the tunnel on each drop. People even cheered a little when they made it.
I wish I could have frozen that moment and kept it cupped in my hands forever, that time when we waited at the pharmacy for 45 minutes but it felt a lot less and we entertained 7 people with a blue dentist ring. But strangely, I find savoring the moments hurts a little, like taking a deep breath in the dead of winter when the air tastes so good and clean at first and then the sharp cold completely burns your lungs. I start to savor, but then I get a little sad because it reminds me that it will soon be gone. Who knows when we'll be there again, and when we are the boys might be in kindergarten, or they won't want to play monster behind the saline solution. I read about someone who, whenever she got to a new place and started enjoying herself she'd say "I'm going to come back here", like she wanted to save the moment, expand it, hold onto it by pushing it into the future, instead of seeing it for what it was- transient, fragile as butterfly wings, about to evaporate when life pulls us to get in the car and deal with traffic and get dinner going. Her friend would point out that she probably wouldn't go back there, because there were other places to visit, other moments to experience, and even if she came back it wouldn't be the same. There would be different people, and different weather, and all the things that made that moment it's own peculiar blend of joy and pleasure and newness would all be different. There would never be another moment like that again.



A couple Saturdays ago we went to the ballfield next to the temple and just hung out. The kids found a bottle brush tree and played camping under it. Ian and I had such a great time just relaxing with them. I kept thinking, we need to come back, but again, who knows when it will be. Birthday Parties, service projects, bike rides on the beach, u-pick strawberry fields... there are a smorgasboard of things to do and only a handful of free weekends. By the time we get back here again Jack and Christian will be talking.
My friend recently told me about a book that's been described as "telling motherhood like it is, without the flowery nonsense." When shopping for books about being a Stay at Home Mom when I was trying to figure out my new 'job' it seemed like everything had something in the title about Surviving or Survival or something like "Only 16 Hours Until Bedtime", I remember another one with a teddy bear hanging by a noose, its head lolling to one side. The "grit-your-teeth-and-hang-on-for-dear-life-hope-to-see-you-on-the-other-side-of-this-alive" is pretty funny, not inaccurate, and it's everywhere. But I can't help but feel it makes it all out to be a trek of endurance, hair-brained and half-insane, gasping to hold on until I wave my kids off on their first day of kindergarten and slowly start to rebuild my life** (**although I don't deny there is some truth to this)


I may have days where I almost fall off my balcony trying to retrieve a lost throw rug, or I make my house smell like a packed smoker's lounge for an entire week because I badly burned the contents of three separate pans (including an entire pound of bacon and beans in a pot we got for our wedding that sadly had to go in the garbage) but every day I feel more and more like childhood is so alive, astonishing and amazing, almost more for me than for my kids, these perfect moments of rings down tubes and capes and bottle brush trees and shining eyes and dirty faces are so unbelievable in their quiet, perfect completeness that the whole world would just be so happy and I'm just so sure that all wars would cease if everyone got a few of these moments with their kids every day. Last week Julian wore his cape I made/pinned, for him to the mall playground and jumped off hamburgers and hotdogs, totally in the moment. I don't know who was more into it though, him or me. He was living, and I was doing the best I could to savor. I just wished I could have explained all of this to my new friend in the park.

Silver Bells and Cockle Shells

I've written posts in the past about the goals that Ian and I have set this year and last year to eat more fresh, local vegetables. One of the things we wanted to try to do this year was plant a garden. Unfortunately, without a yard this is very difficult. Some might say impossible. Last year we tried to plant some things on the deck- they fared so-so.
So when our friends moved into a house with a really huge yard and mentioned they wanted to plant a garden we shamelessly invited ourselves to do it with them. The fact that they said yes speaks volumes about their gracious, kind natures. They really should have told us to take a hike, but they were incredibly Christlike in their decision to share. Also, I hope it's not incorrect to say that they probably wouldn't have planted it we hadn't harrassed them with our eagerness, or at least they wouldn't have planted it for awhile. I ordered some worms, bought some bins, and we made a vermicompost pile a couple months before planting. We also got all the seeds weeks before planting. And we called in a favor to get the soil tested. Yes, our kind-hearted friends probably figured it was better to let us in on it and rescue ourselves from all that energetic enthusiasm that was bound to waste away on a couple sad little pots on the patio.
We weren't sure what to expect- last garden attempt was back in our old place and it didn't do so well. I wouldn't be exaggerating to say that pests ravaged, shredded, and annihilated it, despite our efforts to use good compost and lots of insecticide.
After a week or two

But this time around we used more and better manure, plus the worm tea, and there's been a lot of rain this season. It's grown fast and we've been enjoying kale, chard and bok choy that has been incredibly delicious (and we actually know what to do with it thanks to the farm box we've been getting). It's fun to see the kids getting into it to- I nicknamed them 'the hose team' because they were so excited to bring the hose around to the garden to help water it with the 'worm tea' a few weeks ago.
the hose team in action-


Baby Bok Choy stage:
We planted it mid-February and were eating yummy baby bok choy just a few weeks later. The first night we cooked it the kids downed it by the handful, I kid you not. I just couldn't believe it. We'll see if we can keep it going. It's hard to find time to get over there, and our friends are busy too so it's hard to find time to have us ove so we'll see what happens, but in the meantime I'm pretty grateful we've been able to give our kids a garden experience here in the middle of the city from our yardless apartment. It's also been great to get to know our amazing friends the Mammens better.

the Best (and Completely Craziest) Years of our Lives (How is that Possible?)

I can't really explain how crazy the past few weeks have been. How do I convey the frustration of having my kids break a glass picture frame, and the panicy need to clean it as fast as physically possible before my kids step in it but only while using one arm because I'm holding my 18monther on my hip and I can't put him down or he'll sever a limb, while one of my kids dumps powdered sugar into the dinner sauteeing on the stove, and someone else knocks off our throw rug onto the neighbors' balcony below us just beyond reach of my broom (I almost fell off my 3 story balcony trying to retrieve this rug, by the way), then having my other 18monther dump sweet potatoes onto the carpet that would have been protected by the throw rug I failed to retrieve despite almost losing my life for it, and forget I had ripped off one of the diaper tabs while putting on my wriggly baby's diaper until I see the pile of poo he left because his diaper came off, have my cell phone dumped in the toilet, my home phone dumped in the toilet so I'm totally phoneless, a weird mixture of oil and paprika dumped on the couch that will never come out, an entire bottle of red paint dumped on the carpet... and all of this happened within a 3 day period and many of it simultaneously (there's no way we're getting our deposit back). How do I explain all this... what's the word? Sheer and utter chaos doesn't even do it justice. No wonder I've been sick for an entire month!

Anyways, despite the insanity brought on mainly by a new phase that we are trying to get a handle on, I can't help but feel that these are the best years of my life. I love singing with my kids in the morning, dancing while we get dressed and make beds, seeing how excited they get over dandelions, seeing how crazy giggly they are when I play peekaboo with them or Ian chases them with the Gymbo clown doll, how much they love to be with me and how much they enjoy reading stories or getting excited about the holidays. I've never laughed so much or noticed how amazing everything is. We took them to the Santa Monica airport recently. It's a small municipal airport with a viewing platform set against the backdrop of the Century City highrises for people to watch the small planes landing and lifting off. The action was nonstop the Saturday we were there and all of them were totally enthralled- I love the absorbing look of wonder and fascination on their faces, you just don't see that as often with adults.


It's pure, uninhibited fascination. I love being reminded of feeling that way, and enjoying it with my kids, I've never felt so happy so I'll take powdered sugar pasta and paprika soaked couches any day because I wouldn't miss this for anything (although we recently installed a gate to our kitchen and the situation is much improved, and after my mom's visit and help from my friend Natalie I finally got over my virus. Hurray!).

St Patrick's Day Grillfest

We had our last day of soccer yesterday and a BBQ afterwards. Unfortunately none of the pictures I took of the kids kicking balls turned out because it was so bright. Daylight savings meant it was sunnier longer and the weather was really hot yesterday (80/27!) so it was perfect grill weather. We are so spoiled rotten that all of us live close to the church with its huge ballfield, BBQ pit, tables and playground. It was so cute to see all the kids running around in green. Everyone chipped in and got Ian a really sweet present to thank him for coaching the class. He felt so loved.




My mom friends are all so cute- I actually got the chance to take a few photos of them for about 2 minutes because my mom is here and she took Jack and Christian home with her! I felt bad that they couldn't be there for the BBQ, but it was so, so nice to not constantly be chasing after them and get to finish my sentences a little more than usual. I think we are a pretty happy bunch- not necessarily glamorous or flashy, but we know how to enjoy a nice Wednesday evening with our kids and husbands, which is no small feat. Three cheers for St Patrick's Day BBQs!

What's so Great about Orange County?

We went to check out one of the new housing developments in Irvine the other day. I had heard a lot of good things about it, and Irvine is consistently ranked among the top 5 places in the US to live.
Let me just say the hype lived up to itself and then some.
We spent most of our time there trying to pick our jaws up from off the gorgeous ground we were walking on.
This. Place. Is. Amazing.
I guess I can't speak for all of Irvine, we spent most of our time in Woodbury. One of our friends who works in realty development has looked at all the new housing developments in the country. He said that this is the best one he's seen in the US.
And quite possibly the world.

First of all, 30-40% of the community is park space. And not just brandnew, undergrown parks, they've got mature trees and grapevines climbing the pillars and shade canopies, playgrounds, picnic benches, BBQ pits, doggie bags, water fountains... I don't know how they did it.



And then there's a 40 acre recreation center right in the middle with a waterpark filled with all kinds of water features for the kids, several pools including an Olympic size pool for their swim team (what community has a swim team?),
tennis courts, basketball courts, volleyball courts (all of which you can reserve online), a baseball field and soccer field, which was packed the day we were there. I saw people running home during play to grab drinks and head back to the field. Oh yeah, did I mention a 10-star elementary school was right next to the recreation center in the middle of all this? Down the street. Walking distance.

As if that wasn't enough, as we were driving along we hit the Town Center.

Okay, they had a Trader Joe's, a Ralph's, Staples, restaurants, a gym, dry cleaners... EVERYTHING! PEOPLE WERE WALKING HOME WITH THEIR SHOPPING CARTS!! Obviously, not everyone lives close enough to the Town Center do this, BUT STILL!!!
At the model home info center we found out about the gorgeous hiking 15 minutes away at Limestone Canyon, and the Jeffrey Open Space Trail actually RUNS THROUGH THE HOUSING DEVELOPMENT!
I almost passed out as I realized you could literally go for a swim or take a hike, swing by Trader Joes' and grab dinner, pick up your kids at school, let them play in the park as you're walking home, eat dinner at the picnic tables, walk to church for Mutual, and then all be back in your house together before the sun set. Oh, because did I mention, a brand new LDS Church is RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM EVERYTHING
O.M.G. (Gracious) And, it's 20 minutes from Disneyland, 10 minutes from the Ocean... We had to flee before we bought something right on the spot.



Over the next couple days, Ian and I, infatuated with Woodbury, looked hard at the 50 mile commute options. He would have to travel a lot of off hours and work a day or two from home, which is an option for him, but would be punitive in some respects for all of us. I rely on Ian's help at the beginning and ends of the day a lot right now, and losing him to a commute would be painful. And while the whole place reminds me a lot of Italy- the home design, lots of green common space- there's not much private yard space. The backyards barely warranted the name. There was room for a BBQ, outdoor furniture, and that was seriously it before you hit the shared fence. Many didn't even have grass. Ian and I love gardening and having the kids play in the yard while I watch them through the kitchen window as I'm chopping carrots is a must-have.
Another thing- it's pricey. Pricey areas usually draw 2-income families and not as many people to share the SAHM experience with. I was planning on seeing what the ward was like, but I didn't get around to it. Only one ward for quite a large area.
So... we decided this would be a great place to live when our kids are a little older, and they're not as interested in playing in the backyard and Ian's career is a little more settled. I think it would be amazing, but for now it's on the backburner.

Soccering

Last fall Ian started looking around for a soccer league/class to put the boys in. The leagues don't start yet for their age group and the 3 yr old workshops were pricey. Very pricey. And since I'm all about the DIY movement I asked Ian what he thought about doing a soccer class for the kids we know who are 3-4. Ian co-coached his younger sister's team and he's played a lot of soccer growing up (plus his stepdad played on the US Olympic team so EVERYONE plays soccer in his family) so it seemed like a good fit. I think it's a huge testament to what a great dad Ian is because he decided to go for it! I was surprised at how many other people wanted to do it too, almost everyone we asked signed up, so we wound up with 13 kids in the class. Everybody pitched in $40 for equipment and Ian got a bunch of soccer dvds, did some research online, and came up with some games.



I think the best thing about it is that we get the kids running around outside and having fun together. I think that Ian is amazing to leave work early every Wednesday afternoon and wear himself out running around good-heartedly with all those kids. A couple of the other dads lend a hand too so it's fun. I'm just amazed at what he's been able to do with this age group, and how well he's kept his patience with them. We're seven weeks into it and I've seen the kids really improving.



I just love the community that we have here! When I think about moving to a place that doesn't have a huge group of kids our kids' age I feel like it's going to be such a downgrade in lifestyle. We do so many things together- gymnastics on Mondays, bike riding at the church on Tuesdays, soccer on Wednesdays, Musicmakers on Fridays, Disneyland trips, Joy School, playdates, babysitting swaps... wow when I really think about it the list of fun, free activities that provide my kids some fun, low-opportunities to play with others and learn some things is HUGE! These things aren't going all year round, and I don't make it to all of them, but it's great to know that they're there and that I'm in this with a bunch of colleagues.
We really do have an amazing life here right now.