So I decided to try to unravel the mysteries of my parenthood experience by starting up a new blog with all sorts of goals and research and observations and earth-shattering, illustrious revelations...
Meanwhile, as I'm learning the ways of how to have a "garden sweet" in my home, all four boys are screaming at the top of their lungs and my poor husband is helplessly trying to keep them from tearing each other's heads off.
Talk about backfiring...
So while I scrapped the second blog idea, I did still want to create a mini-parenting project as an opportunity to learn some new things, get some feedback from all my dear friends (especially those who are leaving me or who have already left me as well as those who live far away!) as I try to create a more peaceful home and grapple with the 'amazing' aspects of childhood.
Just to be clear about the situation here, I'm not about to jump off the Empire State building (as one friend thought ;) But I do have kids who often don't do what I ask them to do, and sometimes they cry loudly about it and that gets my goat (and sometimes, demon-lady appears). Or, if I give them an answer they don't like, they cry, get upset, sometimes hit me. This happens. It's not debilitating, but I wonder if I can make it better. Scott Turansky said, "High hopes and idealistic goals are a part of every young family... An interesting transition takes place however, as families grow and mature. These same parents give up their positive vision in exchange for basic survival skills. They just want to get through the day. They can hardly wait for their child to go to kindergarten or high school and be out of the house." While I'm not quite there yet, I feel these words are all too true, and I've heard them from others.
I know what it feels like to have a peaceful, loving feeling in my home, because we had that at the beginning when we almost lost our little ones. It's absolutely amazing. And I think that childhood is amazing, not just as a teaching opportunity, but as a potential for magic, adventure, and connection. It's incredible, and it's short, and it's one of the most challenging, daily things I've ever lived through. But I believe that it's possible to get that peaceful feeling back in my home, maybe a different version of it because our kids and our situation is different, but some kind of version. So I'm going to be seeing trying out some of the things I'm reading and seeing if, indeed, it's possible.
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2 comments:
The secret is that caring for babies is demanding, but relatively straight forward: (feed them, soothe them, love them, cuddle them).
Being the "just right" parent of older kids is much more complicated, and I think it just continues to be more challenging to find answers as our children go through adolescence and into adulthood.
So, the joke is on all of us.
My goal each day is to enjoy my kids as much as possible. For me, that is most effectively done when I eliminate outside distractions/ and responsibilities.
The great thing is that as the mother in the home, your only enemy is yourself. Because when mom is in the "joyful" zone, everything just falls into place. Conversely when mom is being "hag mom" everything falls apart just as quickly.
It feels like parenting is the most educational thing I've ever done.
Staci!! You are so right!
Caring for babies is so straight forward- caring for kids is hard.
I wish I could get into the joyful zone a little easier like I used to be able to- hopefully I can find a way to do that.
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