Living in the Wow

When we went on our very first big family outing as a family of six, I was really anxious about making sure we were prepared for anything- nursing cape? check. Peek-a-boobie nursing shirt? check. Wipes, hats, snacks, sunscreen, enough burp cloths to make a quilt, and outfit changes for everyone. Somehow four size 2 diapers weren't enough but because I brought size 5s for the big boys we were covered (literally), but one surprise I never even conceived of preparing for was all the attention that we would get. From the minute we stepped out of our car and cracked open the Hummer Quad stroller I was taken aback by all the eyes on us. I don't want to make it sound like the music stopped playing and little kids dropped their cotton candy as we strolled by, BUT it did seem like everywhere we went that day at the pumpkin patch the crowd parted and I could hear 'TWO SETS OF TWINS' floating around us in whispers. The attention was new experience and felt very strange to me. It's the kind of rubbernecker attention that occurs when something is so freakishly fascinating you can't drag your eyes away. Yep, I guess that's how people saw us, freakishly fascinating.

And so it began... Most of the time when we go out as a six pack people will notice one of our kids, and then they'll notice another one, but wait, there's more... and then their eyes start darting furtively and the calculations wheels whir, they approach and are about to speak, but then they're unsure so they look again (because what are the odds?), but yes those kids ARE the same age, and then quite as if they can't help themselves: "Do you have TWO SETS OF TWINS?" and I say "Yeah, we do" and then they almost always simply say: "WOW."

And then there's a beat, this absorbing silence descends while the questioner skips a blink as they swallow the shock of it. Often they look at me with alarm, like they're wondering if I might need them to run to the nearest fire extinguisher and break open the glass because it feels like some sort of emergency. Even parents who have twins are floored, them especially because they have a better idea of what that's like. Often these parents grab their faces, groan, and look a little whoozy. So after the little pause I feel like I have to respond in some way, since it's not like they just asked me what time it is and now they know and can be on their merry way. "Excuse me, do you know why these children all seem about the same age? Oh, two sets of twins? Oh, OK, thanks!" No. They're quietly freaking out for me and they can't leave and I have to do something with them.

Sometimes I can anticipate the silence so I just kind of keep walking, "yep, two sets of twins, yep, bye!" as their mouths gape after me, willing me to stop but also willing me to hurry away with my brood at the same time. One time a lady driving by in a Lexus who saw us out for a walk screeched on her brakes and hurriedly lowered her window "DO YOU HAVE TWO SETS OF TWINS?!?!?" she shouted. "Yes, we do" said Ian, who's always more friendly than I am with the TSOTers (that's what I've nicknamed those people, or the event, getting TSOT'ed is what I call it, as in "I got TSOT'ed three times at Ralph's today" or "a TSOTer told me to be sure to brush and floss the kids' teeth"). We tried to keep walking away from this especially flabbergasted TSOTer, but she kept staring at us until three cars were piled behind her and they started honking but still she stared and stared until we sort of crouched behind a bush, which was pretty hard with our Hummer Quad.

Besides high-tailing the heck out of there, sometimes, especially at first, after the silence I'd duck my head and get a bit apologetic- "yeah, it's reeeeeeally CRAZY, we SURVIVE... SOMEhow" I'm not exactly sure why I feel apologizey- because I'm contributing to population increase? or I'm actually out and about having a decentish time instead of shuttering everyone at home, pulling my hair out and running around like a nervous wreck* (*this does happen too)? or because I'm interrupting their day with my circus? or because I wound up getting knocked up twice with twins? Since lightening never strikes twice it seems like I could have done something to prevent it. It's hard to explain that it wasn't our fault we had to resort to expensive and emotionally taxing fertility treatments that are completely unreliable for getting the desired singleton pregnancy. The iota of control we had there was less than zero. I swear.

Also, is it really that big a deal? Everybody knows Jon+Kate and Octomom, and sometimes I feel like I'm tripping over twins that are out and about. But I must admit, the odds of TWO sets of twins/multiples is still rare. My West LA Parents of Multiples group has 500+ members in it, practically all the twins in West LA are in that group and not another 2x2 (except I guess one other lady that no one's met). So I know it's definitely not something you see very often, but it's my everyday reality so I feel justified in getting a bit huffy with the TSOTers. One time when we were at Disneyland on one of the five days of the year it poured rain and we all had to pay the price of a kidney for ponchos, we were waiting in line and about five people TSOTed me. I was in a really bad mood so I completely ignored them, even though some asked really nicely. A persistent lady kept at it until I just stared at her, very hard, and then deliberately looked away. It was hands down the dirtiest look I've ever given anyone in my life, but it got me some peace and quiet.

Disneyland's a ghostown and still we get TSOTed

When I have one or two kids with me I get more chill passing comments like "Twins! You've got your hands full!" or "I bet you're busy!" Those people live in an ignorance I have no desire to correct them of. In fact, sometimes I try to hide one of the babies under a blanket or behind my back when I see some of the darting eyes right before the calculation wheels whir so we won't get TSOTed. My heart just sinks when I see the eyes pop because I know I'm too late. I never, EVER willingly tell them I'm a 2x2. I find myself telling little white lies like, 'oh yes, these two keep me running around!" I try to dodge TSOTing because I don't like getting into the post questions: "do you have help?" "do twins run in your family?" "are they all boys? You going to try for a girl?" "how far apart are the younger and older ones?" "how do you possibly manage?" Sometimes I feel like I need to reassure them, especially the ones that have already started looking around for the fire extinguisher. It's actually not that bad... No, we're not living in the loony bin... Yes my husband is a rockstar because he helps me a lot, no our twins don't speak a secret language, yes they do look alike, no we don't have a reality show...

Since our first outing last year it hasn't let up. I think it may peter down after we lose the stroller, but there's a chance we may get it the rest of our lives. I am starting to accept the fact that I will hear 'oh you're the lady with the two sets of twins,' after I meet someone for the first time. And overall, I think I'm finally getting used to it. I don't like the fact that TSOTing brings out my irritable side, but it's an opportunity to tame it. While part of me wants to say "go awaay!" or to the people who say "I could never do that!" I'd say "yes, it's very difficult but we all have challenges and if the universe puts us in a position where we have to do something we usually find a way to do it". I knew I'd turned a corner when I simply responded like this yesterday:

"Yes, they are. We are very, very lucky."

At least no one started looking around for the fire alarm. ;)