on the Sidelines

I told my friends about this bedrest magazine I got recently on recommendation from my physical therapist. It's by an amazing organization called Sidelines. They support women who are on bedrest due to high risk pregnancies. It seemed to be such a weird name- I know that you are supposed to lie on your left side to take weight off your uterus and help blood flow, so I figured that was where it came from. I was horrified to find that the name Sidelines mostly came from the fact that when you're on bedrest you're on the sidelines of life- watching as others play the game and you sit it out. What a depressing name!
My bedrest started at the end of last week, after the contractions I've been having here and there started to increase. They're really painless, just a faint tightening I mostly feel with my hands, but they've been coming about 3 minutes apart for a 2-3 hour run/day. So my doctor put me on 'bedrest with bathroom priveleges' (something she's been threatening to do for awhile) and this weekend I stayed horizontal. I 'took it easy', I didn't get up at all barely, even though we had a lot going on. My two little sister-in-laws showed up from Sacramento to help us out, and I had to tell them where to find the muffin ingredients and how to cook the bacon. Also, Ian's sister came to watch the boys and I had to help put the whippersnappers down for their nap. But even through all that I stayed lying down! I couldn't figure out why my contractions weren't stopping, they just seemed to be picking up.
By Monday I started freaking out. I realized that was having a tough time accepting what 'bedrest' really meant. So today, I stayed in my room and shut the door. I listened to Enya. I didn't think about where anything was or how my kids were going to eat or nap or what my sister in laws were going to do later in the day or if the smoke detector was going off or how the ward activity was going to come together. It was very, very difficult! However, my uterus was calm and quiet and my family got through the day in one piece as well. My doctor even told me I didn't need to come in today. I guess I got the 'bed' part down, but understanding how to really 'rest' is harder- putting myself on the Sidelines. Why is it so tough to truly relax for a day, a week, a month or more, even when so many people are helping us and so much is at stake? I don't know, I'm trying not to think about it too much ;)